We all hit moments that feel like too much. For teens, those moments often come fast and loud—sudden overwhelm, big emotions, and the urge to do something to get relief. Sometimes that “something” makes things worse: snapping at a friend, shutting down completely, picking a fight, or engaging in self-harm.

If you’re raising a teen who’s been told to “just use your coping skills” but still melts down, shuts down, or lashes out when emotions run high, you’re not alone.

Most teens know about coping skills. That doesn’t mean they know how to use them.

Ever rehearse a conversation in your head 10 times—then still stay silent?

You wanted to say no to something, or ask for space, or share how you were feeling. But the thoughts started rushing in:
“What if they get mad?”
“What if I’m being too much?”
“What if they think I’m selfish or dramatic?”

You know that moment when a conversation with your teen suddenly shifts—when what started as a question turns into a fight?

Maybe you asked them to put their phone away. Or said no to a sleepover. And then boom—they're rolling their eyes, raising their voice, accusing you of being unfair. You respond with a stern tone, maybe a “Don’t talk to me like that,” and before you know it, you’re both shut down or shouting.

Ever asked your teen how they’re feeling only to get a shrug or an eye roll in return?

You’re not alone. Teens often act like they don’t care, but under the surface, big emotions are flooding their system. They just don’t have the tools to process them. And when they don’t have the words or the regulation strategies to deal with all that intensity, they shut down, blow up, or tune out.

Your teen sends an angry text, then regrets it. They lash out in arguments, shutting down when they feel overwhelmed.

Your teen says sorry when someone bumps into them. They agree to things they don’t want to do just to avoid conflict. They feel guilty for setting even the smallest boundaries.