When your teen comes to you with a problem—whether it's a bad grade, friend drama, or a missed opportunity—your instinct might be to help by offering a solution.
They got a low score on a math test?
"Make flashcards and study more."
They didn’t make the cheer team?
"Keep practicing. Try again next year."
They feel excluded by friends?
"Don’t worry about them. Those aren’t your real friends anyway."
While these responses are well-meaning, they often miss the mark. Your teen likely isn’t looking for a fix. They’re looking for something else entirely.
They want to be heard.
What Teens Are Really Looking For
When a teenager opens up, they’re taking a risk. They’re letting you into a moment that feels vulnerable. And more often than not, they don’t need you to problem-solve. They need to feel like you get it.
They want your presence more than your plan.
They want to hear:
I hear what you’re saying
I understand why you feel this way
Your emotions make sense
I’m here for you
This is where validation comes in.
What Is Validation?
Validation is the act of listening without judgment and showing that you understand and accept your teen’s emotional experience. It doesn’t mean you agree with their perspective. It means you see them and you care.
For example, if your teen is upset about not making the soccer team, instead of jumping into a pep talk, you might say:
"It must be really disappointing after all the effort you put in this summer. I get why you're upset."
This response helps your teen feel supported and less alone. That connection makes it more likely they’ll come to you again in the future.
Why Validation Matters
Validation builds trust. It creates emotional safety. And it helps your teen learn how to process and regulate their feelings—skills that are essential for navigating life’s challenges.
In therapy, especially in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), validation is a key strategy. It helps teens feel seen and respected while encouraging them to develop better coping skills.
You can support your teen’s emotional growth by using this same approach at home.
How to Practice Validation
If you’re not sure how to validate your teen’s emotions, start here:
1. Listen first.
Let them talk. Avoid interrupting or jumping in with advice.
2. Reflect what you hear.
"You’re feeling overwhelmed about the test tomorrow."
"That must have been frustrating when your friend ignored you."
3. Acknowledge their feelings.
"It makes sense that you’d feel that way."
"I can see why that hurt."
These small shifts make a big difference.
By choosing to listen and validate instead of solve and fix, you give your teen the kind of support that actually helps. You show them they’re not alone. You teach them how to sit with hard emotions. And you keep the door open for real connection.
That’s what they’ll remember. And that’s what they need most.