You’re sitting across from your teen. They’re angry. Maybe they’ve slammed a door. Maybe they’re crying and telling you they feel alone. Or maybe they’ve gone quiet and withdrawn, refusing to say what’s wrong.
And suddenly, something shifts in you. Your chest tightens. Your voice gets sharper. You feel overwhelmed, ashamed, or like you’re about to lose it.
Here’s the thing: that reaction? That emotional surge?
That’s not about your teen. That’s about you.
At Creative Healing, we say this often: If your teen’s feelings trigger something in you, that’s your work—not theirs.
And yeah, we get that it can be hard to hear.
This doesn’t mean your teen isn’t responsible for their behavior. They are. But when something they say or do lights a fire in you—when it brings up panic, pain, or helplessness—your job isn’t to shut it down. Your job is to get curious. To pause and ask yourself, “What is this touching in me?”
Why Your Teen’s Emotions Feel So Personal
Most of us weren’t raised with emotional safety. Maybe you were told to calm down, stop being dramatic, or “go to your room” when you were upset. Maybe you learned that anger was dangerous or that sadness made you weak.
So now, when your teen shows big emotions, it hits a nerve.
You might feel rejected when they shut you out.
You might feel ashamed when they’re hurting.
You might feel blamed when they express frustration.
That doesn’t make you a bad parent. It just means there’s something old and unhealed getting stirred up.
Your nervous system doesn’t always know the difference between the present moment and an old wound. When your teen’s emotions echo something you never got to process, your body reacts as if it’s happening all over again.
It’s Not About Fixing. It’s About Facing.
So many parents tell us, “I just want them to be okay.”
And you mean it. But sometimes, “okay” really means “regulated enough that I don’t have to feel this panic inside myself.”
That’s not a judgment. It’s a survival response.
If you weren’t allowed to feel big emotions growing up, your teen’s distress might feel unsafe. Your instinct might be to shut it down, fix it quickly, or talk them out of it.
But that doesn’t actually regulate your teen. It teaches them to hide.
The more we try to control or dismiss our teen’s emotions, the more they internalize the belief that their feelings are too much—or that they’re doing something wrong by expressing them.
Common Moments That Trigger Us
Here are a few examples of when your teen’s feelings might hit an old wound:
• They tell you they’re hurt, and you feel defensive
• They cry after a breakup, and you panic and want it to stop
• They withdraw from family time, and you feel rejected
• They lash out in anger, and you explode right back
These moments are hard. But they’re also opportunities. When you find yourself reacting instead of responding, that’s the moment to pause.
What To Do Instead
When you notice that spike in emotion, try this:
• Pause.
• Take a breath.
• Name what’s coming up.
• Ask, “Is this about what’s happening right now, or is this touching something older?”
This is how we begin to take ownership of our own reactions without blaming our kids. It’s how we stop passing down what wasn’t ours to carry in the first place.
And no, this doesn’t mean you have to get it right every time. You won’t. None of us do. But what matters is the repair. Coming back. Taking ownership. Saying, “That wasn’t about you. That was my stuff showing up, and I’m working on it.”
This kind of honesty doesn’t damage your teen. It builds trust. It shows them that growth and accountability don’t stop in childhood. They keep going—and you’re modeling it in real time.
What This Looks Like
Let’s say your teen tells you they hate school and don’t want to go anymore.
You feel your chest tighten. Your mind goes into overdrive. You start thinking about their future, about college, about how they’re going to ruin their life.
You want to shut it down. Lecture them. Or maybe just walk away.
But what if you didn’t?
What if you paused and said, “That sounds really hard. Tell me more about what’s been going on.”
That one shift—staying present instead of reactive—can completely change the conversation. It tells your teen their emotions matter. That they’re not too much. That you can handle hearing the truth.
The Real Work of Parenting
Your teen doesn’t need a perfect parent. They need a regulated one.
They need someone who can stay steady while they fall apart. Someone who can show them what it looks like to feel hard things and come through the other side.
At Creative Healing, we support both teens and parents because emotional health isn’t one-sided.
You’re not just helping your teen grow. You’re doing your own healing too. And that’s not selfish. That’s essential.
We help teens build the skills to manage emotions, communicate clearly, and cope with life’s challenges. But we also help parents slow down, notice their patterns, and build relationships rooted in connection—not control.
A Final Thought
If your teen’s emotions trigger you, you’re not broken. You’re not failing. You’re just human.
You have an opportunity in those moments. To pause. To reflect. To grow.
That’s the work.
And you don’t have to do it alone.