Why Your Teen Apologizes for Everything (And How to Help)
Your teen says sorry when someone bumps into them. They agree to things they don’t want to do just to avoid conflict. They feel guilty for setting even the smallest boundaries.
They’re not alone. Many teens struggle with self-advocacy because they fear conflict or rejection. The DBT skill FAST helps teens stand up for themselves while maintaining respect for others.
The DBT Skill That Helps Teens Advocate for Themselves
The FAST skill teaches teens how to communicate assertively without feeling like they’re being rude.
Here’s how it works.
Fair – Be fair to yourself and others.
Apologies (Few) – Only apologize when truly necessary.
Stick to Values – Don’t compromise on what matters.
Truthful – Be honest and direct.
FAST helps teens stop over-apologizing and start advocating for their own needs with confidence.
How One Teen Stopped Apologizing for Setting Boundaries
Liam, 16, (mock client) had always struggled with standing up for himself. He would say yes to group projects he didn’t want to do, apologize excessively, and avoid conflict at all costs.
When Liam’s therapist introduced FAST, he hesitated. “I don’t want to sound mean,” he said.
We practiced together, starting small.
Old approach: “I’m sorry, but I just can’t today.”
New approach using FAST: “I appreciate you asking, but I won’t be able to do that today.”
Over time, Liam became more confident. He learned that setting boundaries wasn’t mean—it was necessary.
Proven Strategies That Have Helped Hundreds of Teens Set Boundaries With Confidence
Here’s why FAST works.
It stops over-apologizing. Teens learn that they don’t need to say sorry for having needs.
It builds confidence. They realize that standing up for themselves is not the same as being rude.
It helps them stay true to their values. They don’t agree to things just to avoid discomfort.
Want to help your teen start using this skill? Try this.
Challenge them to go a day without saying sorry unless truly necessary.
Encourage them to replace apologies with gratitude. Instead of “Sorry for bothering you,” try “Thanks for your time.”
Remind them that self-advocacy is a skill, not a personality trait. It gets easier with practice.
Helping Your Teen Speak Up With Confidence
Self-respect starts with how we communicate. FAST helps teens advocate for themselves in a way that’s clear, confident, and respectful.