Why Your Teen Feels Trapped in Friendships (And How to Help)
Your teen says yes to a sleepover even though they’re exhausted. They let a friend copy their homework because they don’t want to cause conflict. They never voice their own opinions, always going along with the group.
When you ask why, they shrug and say, “I don’t want them to be mad at me.”
Many teens struggle with people-pleasing because they fear rejection. They believe that saying no or setting a boundary will cost them their friendships. This is where DBT’s GIVE skill comes in. It teaches teens how to maintain strong relationships while also respecting their own needs.
The DBT Skill That Helps Teens Maintain Friendships Without Losing Themselves
The GIVE skill helps teens communicate effectively in friendships without feeling guilty or anxious about saying no. It provides a framework for maintaining healthy, respectful interactions.
Here’s how it works.
Gentle – Stay kind and avoid unnecessary criticism, even when setting a boundary.
Interested – Show you care about the other person’s feelings, even if you can’t do what they ask.
Validate – Acknowledge their perspective to help them feel heard.
Easy Manner – Keep things light and friendly rather than defensive or overly serious.
When teens use GIVE, they can say no to things that don’t work for them while still maintaining their friendships.
How One Teen Learned to Set Boundaries Without Losing Friends
Emma, a 14-year-old (mock client), had always struggled with saying no. She feared that turning down plans or disagreeing with friends would make them stop liking her.
She often felt overwhelmed, stretched too thin, and even resentful toward her friends—but she still said yes to everything.
When Emma’s therapist introduced GIVE, she was skeptical. “If I say no, my friends will think I don’t care,” she insisted.
But she decided to try it in a low-stakes situation.
Old approach: “Fine, I’ll help you with your homework.” (Even though she didn’t have time.)
New approach using GIVE: “I can’t help tonight, but I can explain it at lunch tomorrow!”
To Emma’s surprise, her friend wasn’t upset. She realized that setting a boundary didn’t mean losing the friendship.
Over time, Emma practiced GIVE in different situations—declining last-minute plans, speaking up when she didn’t want to watch a certain movie, and asking for what she needed in friendships. The more she used it, the more confident she felt.
Proven Strategies That Have Helped Hundreds of Teens Build Healthy Friendships
With over a decade of experience working with teens, we’ve seen firsthand how GIVE changes relationships. Here’s why it works.
It reduces anxiety. Teens feel more in control when they know how to say no without guilt.
It strengthens friendships. Honest communication leads to deeper, more trusting relationships.
It builds confidence. Teens feel empowered to speak up and express their needs.
Want to help your teen start using this skill? Try this.
Practice in a mirror or role-play with them. Help them get comfortable setting small boundaries.
Encourage them to notice how people react. Most friends will respect their boundaries.
Remind them that healthy friendships don’t rely on constant agreement. It’s okay to say no.
Helping Your Teen Build Stronger Friendships
Saying yes to everything isn’t the key to friendship—mutual respect is. GIVE helps teens maintain friendships while staying true to themselves.