Ever rehearse a conversation in your head 10 times—then still stay silent?
You wanted to say no to something, or ask for space, or share how you were feeling. But the thoughts started rushing in:
“What if they get mad?”
“What if I’m being too much?”
“What if they think I’m selfish or dramatic?”
So you didn’t speak up.
You smiled instead.
You nodded.
You said “It’s fine,” even though it wasn’t.
Sound familiar?
This isn’t just about confidence. It’s about the beliefs we carry with us into every interaction—beliefs that tell us it's safer to stay small, stay quiet, stay agreeable.
In DBT, we call these interpersonal myths. They’re not necessarily things we chose to believe—but they’ve become the default stories in our heads:
“If I ask for something, I’m being selfish.”
“If they really cared, I wouldn’t have to ask.”
“Saying no makes me a bad friend/partner/parent.”
“It’s better to stay quiet than make it awkward.”
These beliefs sneak in and shape our behavior. They keep us stuck in patterns of people-pleasing, avoiding, or feeling like our needs don’t matter.
Here’s the truth: every healthy relationship includes asking, expressing, and setting limits. Every single one.
And more importantly—your needs are allowed to take up space.
Let’s break it down with a few real-life examples.
A teen might believe:
“If I ask to hang out less, they’ll stop being my friend.”
But the truth is: Real friends care about how I’m feeling, even if they’re disappointed.
A parent might believe:
“If I tell my teen no, they’ll pull away from me.”
But the truth is: Boundaries are part of being a parent, and they build trust—even when they cause short-term frustration.
So how do we shift out of myth-mode?
Start by noticing what you believe in those sticky moments.
Then ask yourself:
Where did I learn this?
Is it always true?
What would I tell someone else in this situation?
And then—take the risk. Speak up. Start small. Even if your voice shakes a little. Even if your hands sweat. Even if it feels awkward at first.
Because every time you challenge a myth, you grow a little stronger in your own voice. And that voice? It matters. A lot.