Why December Is So Hard for Teens and Parents: Understanding Holiday Stress
The holidays disrupt routines, amplify emotions, and bring up old wounds.
For teens who already struggle with big feelings, December can feel like a pressure cooker. School is out, therapy schedules change, and the structure that helps many teens stay regulated disappears. Add in family gatherings, social expectations, and the constant comparison of social media, and it’s no wonder so many teens (and parents) feel overwhelmed, lonely, or on edge.
Hidden Holiday Stressors That Increase Teen Anxiety and Emotional Overwhelm
It’s not just “holiday blues.” It’s a perfect storm of triggers.
Disrupted routines: No school means less structure, more downtime, and often, more opportunities for rumination or risky behaviors.
Family dynamics: Divorce, estrangement, or just too much “togetherness” can bring up old hurts and new conflicts.
Social anxiety: Parties and gatherings can be exhausting for teens who struggle to fit in or feel misunderstood.
Seasonal affective disorder: Shorter days and less sunlight can worsen mood for sensitive teens.
Loneliness: Even surrounded by people, many teens report feeling isolated or left out during the holidays.
December is a high-risk month for emotional overwhelm, even if everything “looks fine” on the outside.
How Parents Can Support Teen Mental Health in December Using DBT Skills
You can’t control the season, but you can help your teen weather it.
Validate first, problem-solve second: “I can see this is a tough time for you. The holidays can be really hard.”
Keep some structure: Even if school is out, try to maintain regular sleep, meals, and activity routines.
Plan for downtime: Too much unstructured time can lead to spirals. Schedule low-pressure activities like movie nights, baking, walks, or creative projects.
Set boundaries with empathy: It’s okay to say no to extra events or family drama. Model self-care and let your teen know it’s okay to protect their energy, too.
Watch for warning signs: If your teen’s mood, sleep, or behavior changes for more than two weeks, reach out for support.
DBT Skills for the Holidays: Proven Tools to Reduce Teen Stress and Holiday Anxiety
The holidays are a perfect time to put DBT skills into action, not just for teens, but for the whole family. Here’s how to use three tools from Dialectical Behavior Therapy to make December more manageable and meaningful.
Accumulating Positives: Small Daily Joys That Improve Teen Mood During the Holidays
Accumulating Positives is about intentionally creating moments of joy, even when things are hard.
For teens (and parents) who struggle with depression, anxiety, or emotional overwhelm, the idea of “holiday cheer” can feel fake or out of reach. But DBT teaches us that we don’t have to wait for happiness to show up—we can build it, one small positive experience at a time.
Why Accumulating Positives Helps Teen Mental Health in December
The pressure to feel happy can backfire, making teens feel even more isolated if they’re struggling.
Small, intentional positive experiences can help shift mood, even if just for a moment.
Accumulating positives is not about ignoring pain—it’s about making room for both joy and struggle.
How to practice Accumulating Positives as a family:
Make a list together: Sit down with your teen and brainstorm small things that feel good or meaningful. This could be as simple as listening to a favorite song, baking cookies, watching a holiday movie, or taking a walk to see lights.
Schedule one positive activity each day: It doesn’t have to be big. Even five minutes counts. The key is intention.
Celebrate the small wins: Did your teen get out of bed and join the family for breakfast? Did you both laugh at a silly meme? These moments matter.
Try something new: The holidays are a great time to experiment with new traditions; maybe a “pajama day,” a hot chocolate taste test, or a family art project.
Script for parents:
“I know this time of year can be tough. Let’s see if we can find one small thing each day that feels good, even if it’s just for a few minutes. We don’t have to force happiness, but we can make space for it.”
Accumulating positives helps teens (and parents) remember that even in hard times, moments of connection and joy are possible. Over time, these small experiences add up, building resilience and hope.
Coping Ahead: How to Prepare Your Teen for Holiday Triggers and Stress
Coping Ahead is about preparing for challenges, not just reacting to them.
December is full of potential stressors like family gatherings, travel, changes in routine, and social events that can trigger anxiety or sadness. Coping Ahead is a DBT skill that helps teens (and parents) anticipate what might be hard and make a plan for how to handle it.
Coping Ahead Helps Teens Handle Holiday Stress and Anxiety
Many holiday meltdowns happen because we’re caught off guard by stress or emotion.
Teens who struggle with emotion regulation often feel powerless when things go wrong.
Coping Ahead gives everyone a sense of agency and control.
How to practice Coping Ahead as a family:
Identify upcoming stressors: Ask your teen, “What are you most worried about this month?” It could be a family dinner, a party, or even just the lack of routine.
Make a plan together: For each stressor, brainstorm coping strategies. This might include:
Having an “exit plan” for overwhelming events (such as a code word to leave early)
Bringing a comfort item or playlist
Practicing a DBT skill (like paced breathing or self-soothing) before and during the event
Deciding in advance who to reach out to if things get tough
Visualize success: Walk through the plan together. “Let’s imagine you’re at the family dinner and start to feel anxious. What’s the first thing you’ll do? What can I do to help?”
Debrief after: After the event, check in. What worked? What didn’t? Adjust the plan for next time.
Script for parents:
“I know the holidays can bring up a lot. Let’s talk about what might be hard, and make a plan for how to get through it together. We can practice some skills ahead of time, so you’re ready if things get tough.”
Coping Ahead helps teens feel prepared, not powerless. It also gives parents a way to support without hovering or taking over. When everyone knows the plan, it’s easier to stay calm and connected, even when things don’t go perfectly.
DBT PLEASE Skill: Physical Self-Care Strategies That Improve Teen Emotion Regulation
PLEASE is a DBT acronym for a set of skills that focus on physical self-care as the foundation for emotional regulation.
During the holidays, it’s easy for basic self-care to fall apart with late nights, skipped meals and disrupted sleep. For sensitive teens, these changes can make emotional ups and downs even more intense.
What PLEASE stands for:
PL: Treat Physical Illness
E: Eat balanced meals
A: Avoid mood-altering substances
S: Get enough Sleep
E: Exercise regularly
DBT PLEASE Skill Is Essential for Teen Emotional Stability During the Holidays
Physical health and emotional health are deeply connected.
Teens (and parents) are more vulnerable to stress when they’re tired, hungry, or run down.
The holidays often mean less sleep, and less routine, both of which can make mood swings worse.
How to practice PLEASE as a family:
Treat physical illness: If your teen is sick, prioritize rest and care. Don’t push through just because it’s the holidays.
Eat balanced meals: Try to keep regular meals on the schedule. Involve your teen in planning or cooking.
Avoid mood-altering substances: Talk openly about alcohol, cannabis, or other substances that might be more available at holiday gatherings. Set clear expectations and model healthy choices.
Get enough sleep: Try to keep a consistent bedtime and wake-up time, even during school break. If sleep is a struggle, brainstorm together what helps (like no screens before bed, calming music, a warm shower).
Exercise regularly: Movement doesn’t have to mean the gym. Family walks, dance parties, or even stretching together can help regulate mood.
Script for parents:
“I know the holidays can throw off our routines. Let’s try to keep some of our regular habits going, because they really do make a difference in how we feel.”
PLEASE skills are the foundation for all other DBT skills. When teens (and parents) are taking care of their bodies, it’s easier to manage emotions, use coping skills, and stay connected.
Holiday Scripts for Parents: What to Say When Your Teen Feels Overwhelmed
Try these phrases to keep connection front and center:
“I know the holidays aren’t easy for you. I’m here if you want to talk or if you just want company.”
“It’s okay to feel however you feel. You don’t have to pretend for anyone.”
“Let’s make a plan for the days that feel hardest. What would help you get through?”
“What’s one small thing we could do today that might feel good, even for a few minutes?”
Warning Signs Your Teen Needs Extra Support During the Holidays
Most teens will have ups and downs, but some need extra support.
If your teen is withdrawing, talking about hopelessness, or engaging in self-harm, don’t wait. Reach out to your therapist, call your DBT team, or use crisis resources. December is a high-risk time, and early intervention matters.
Holiday Support for Parents: You’re Not Alone in Navigating Teen Stress
The holidays are hard for a lot of families, even if no one talks about it.
You don’t have to create a “perfect” December. Focus on connection, validation, and small moments of calm. That’s what your teen will remember and what will help you both get through.
December can be a minefield for teens and families, but it’s also an opportunity to practice real-life skills that build resilience for the long haul. By focusing on DBT tools like Accumulating Positives, Coping Ahead, and PLEASE, you’re helping your teen (and yourself) build a foundation for a healthier, more connected new year.