As a parent, it can feel confusing — even jarring — to watch your sweet, snuggly child suddenly morph into someone who seems to roll their eyes at everything you say.
They slam doors. They cry harder than you expect over things that seem small. They question every rule. They want space. Lots of it.
And you’re left wondering:
Is this normal? Is something wrong? Or is this just part of growing up?
The truth is, there are many behaviors that look disrespectful on the surface — but are actually signs of healthy development.
Let’s break them down.
1. Eye Rolls
Let’s start with the classic.
When your teen rolls their eyes, it can feel like a punch to the gut. Especially if you’re doing your best to stay calm, be fair, and not lose your cool.
But here’s what an eye roll often means:
I’m frustrated. I want independence. I don’t know how to say that yet in a way that sounds respectful.
It’s not fun to be on the receiving end. But eye rolling is often a clumsy first attempt at expressing a big internal shift: your teen is starting to think for themselves. They’re separating from your worldview. They’re frustrated at feeling powerless — and experimenting with ways to assert control.
The goal isn’t to shut it down completely.
The goal is to stay steady while helping them build the skills to express disagreement without contempt.
This is a moment where your nervous system matters.
What you model matters.
And what you don’t do — like retaliating or shaming — matters too.
2. Closed Doors
It’s tempting to interpret closed doors as rejection.
Especially if you used to be close — and now your teen would rather scroll or nap than hang out with you.
But closing the door doesn’t mean they don’t love you.
It usually means they’re trying to regulate, rest, or reclaim some space.
Teen brains are still developing — especially in areas related to self-regulation and overstimulation.
Their world is loud. They’re navigating complex social dynamics, constant comparisons, and major hormonal shifts.
Wanting alone time is healthy.
Even if it’s new. Even if it stings a little.
Try not to take it personally.
Instead, try this:
Knock first, even when you’re “just checking in.”
Leave small gestures of care, like a favorite snack or note.
Create shared routines that don’t require conversation (like folding laundry together or watching a show).
That way, your presence stays steady — even if they need space.
3. Big Feelings
Tears. Anger. Meltdowns.
Maybe even rage over the wrong sandwich or a canceled plan.
Big feelings are common in adolescence. And while they can be intense, they’re often not a sign that something’s wrong.
Think of it this way:
Teen brains are emotionally supercharged.
The emotional center (amygdala) develops faster than the logical, problem-solving center (prefrontal cortex).
So teens feel things deeply, but don’t always have the capacity to pause, reflect, or respond skillfully.
When a teen has a big feeling around you — it often means they feel safe enough to let the feelings out.
That doesn’t mean you allow unsafe behavior.
Boundaries still matter.
But what often helps is:
Naming the feeling (“This feels really upsetting to you”)
Validating their experience (“I get that this matters to you”)
Holding the boundary with warmth (“We can talk again when your tone is respectful”)
Over time, this teaches emotional regulation — not emotional suppression.
4. Debating Everything
"Why do I have to?"
"That’s not fair!"
"You never say that to [sibling]!"
"I’m not doing it unless you explain why."
Debating everything can feel exhausting.
But beneath the arguing is a brain that’s learning how to think critically, challenge norms, and practice autonomy.
Adolescence is when your teen starts separating from your values — or at least questioning them. This is how they start figuring out their own.
The debates may sound argumentative. But at their core, they’re a bid for understanding — and sometimes a test to see if they’re still loved when they disagree.
That doesn’t mean you give in to every challenge.
It means you use the moment to:
Stay calm
Clarify your reasons
Acknowledge their point of view (even if you don’t agree)
You’re not just raising a rule-follower.
You’re raising a future adult who can advocate, compromise, and think for themselves.
5. Wanting Privacy
“Don’t come in.”
“Stop reading my messages.”
“Why are you asking so many questions?”
Teens crave privacy because they’re developing a sense of self.
They want to make decisions, build relationships, and explore identity — without feeling like they’re being watched or managed every second.
Some of this is about boundaries.
Some of it is about control.
And some of it is simply human — we all need spaces where we can be ourselves.
Your role isn’t to eliminate privacy.
It’s to make sure privacy doesn’t become isolation.
Here’s how:
Stay curious without being invasive
Keep shared routines (even if short) to stay connected
Let them know the door is open — emotionally, not just physically
The more your teen feels trusted, the more likely they are to come to you when it really matters.
What If You’re Not Sure?
Maybe you’re reading this and thinking:
That sounds good in theory…
But my teen is still shutting me out, or saying they don’t want to live, or refusing help altogether.
There’s a difference between developmental turbulence and real red flags.
And as a parent, it can be hard to tell which is which.
That’s where we come in.
At Creative Healing, we specialize in working with teens and families navigating self-harm, identity confusion, anxiety, and overwhelm — and we help you separate what’s typical from what needs more support.
We’ll never pathologize normal behavior.
And we won’t ignore warning signs either.
We help families hold both.
Final Thoughts for Parents
If your teen…
Rolls their eyes
Slams the door
Challenges your every word
Has bigger feelings than they know what to do with
Wants more privacy than you're used to
…it doesn't automatically mean something is wrong.
Sometimes, it means they're trying to grow.
Sometimes, it means they feel safe enough to test.
And sometimes, it means they need you to stay grounded while they figure things out.
You don’t have to love the behaviors.
You just have to understand what they might be signaling underneath.
And if you’re unsure? We’re here to help.