As a parent, watching your teen struggle with intense emotions can be tough. Our instinct is to step in, try to fix things, or provide a solution. However, teaching teens to manage their emotions on their own can empower them and provide them with long-term coping skills. One of the most effective tools for this is DBT’s (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) Mindfulness of Emotions.
Mindfulness of Emotions helps teens acknowledge and process their emotions without getting overwhelmed or shutting down. Here’s how you, as a parent, can guide your teen through this skill:
1. Notice the Emotion
The first step is awareness. Encourage your teen to pause and take a moment to recognize what they’re feeling. The goal here is not to explain or analyze the emotion but to simply notice it. You might suggest they ask themselves, “What am I feeling right now?” This step helps them shift from reacting automatically to taking a mindful approach.
It’s important to remind them that whatever they’re feeling is valid, and the first step is always to notice without judgment.
2. Name It
Once they’ve noticed the emotion, the next step is to name it. Ask your teen to put a label on what they’re feeling. Is it anger, sadness, anxiety, frustration? Naming the emotion helps bring clarity and reduces the overwhelming nature of what they’re experiencing. Studies show that labeling emotions can reduce their intensity, allowing teens to take a step back from being fully consumed by their feelings.
3. Allow the Feeling
Teens often feel like they need to suppress or avoid uncomfortable emotions, but avoiding feelings only makes them stronger in the long run. Mindfulness teaches us to sit with uncomfortable emotions without trying to change them. Encourage your teen to allow themselves to feel the emotion. You can say something like, “It’s okay to feel upset right now. Just notice the feeling and let it be.”
This step reinforces that emotions aren’t dangerous and don’t need to be avoided at all costs.
4. Breathe Through It
Once your teen has noticed, named, and allowed the emotion, guide them to focus on their breathing. Deep, slow breaths can help calm the nervous system and make the emotion feel more manageable. Breathing helps ground them in the present moment and provides a sense of control when everything feels overwhelming. Even a few deep breaths can make a big difference in how intense the emotion feels.
5. Notice How It Passes
Emotions, no matter how intense, are temporary. Like waves in the ocean, they rise and fall. Help your teen recognize that emotions pass over time. When they’re in the thick of an emotion, it can feel like it will last forever, but by practicing this skill, they’ll learn to notice the shifts in intensity and realize that the emotion will eventually subside.
You can say, “Notice how your emotion is starting to fade or change,” to help them observe this in real time.
Bonus Tip for Parents:
Model this practice for your teen. The next time you’re feeling frustrated or overwhelmed, walk through these steps aloud. Teens learn more from what we do than what we say, and modeling this behavior can help them see how it works in everyday life.
By using DBT’s Mindfulness of Emotions, you’re not just helping your teen survive their emotions—you’re teaching them how to manage and move through them in a healthy way.