Emotion regulation is a crucial life skill, and as a parent, you play a vital role in helping your teen develop it. One effective way to teach this skill is through DBT’s “What” skills—Observe, Describe, and Participate. These skills teach teens how to engage with their emotions and experiences mindfully, helping them stay grounded and make thoughtful choices even in difficult moments.
Here’s how you can guide your teen through these simple yet powerful steps:
1. Observe
The first “What” skill is Observe. This means helping your teen step back and simply notice what’s happening—both externally and internally—without reacting. The goal is to pay attention to their surroundings, thoughts, and feelings without trying to change or judge them.
Encourage your teen to take a moment and observe their emotions. You can say, “What are you noticing right now?” They might observe physical sensations (like a racing heart or tight muscles) or emotions (such as anxiety or anger). The key here is to observe without labeling it as good or bad, just noticing it as it is.
2. Describe
After observing, the next step is Describe. This skill helps teens put their observations into words. Describing their emotions, thoughts, or the situation can help them separate what’s happening from their reaction to it. Describing brings clarity and creates distance between the teen and their emotional experience.
For example, if your teen is feeling anxious about a test, they can describe the situation by saying, “I’m feeling nervous because I have a test tomorrow, and I don’t feel ready.” This helps them articulate their experience instead of being consumed by it.
Encourage them to avoid judgmental language when describing their emotions. Instead of saying, “I’m terrible at this, and I’m so stressed,” they can try, “I’m feeling overwhelmed because I don’t feel prepared.” The key is to focus on facts rather than assumptions or judgments.
3. Participate
The final step in the “What” skills is Participate. This skill teaches teens how to fully engage in the present moment without being distracted by worries or what-ifs. Participation helps them direct their energy toward the task at hand and get into a flow state, reducing the power of anxious thoughts or emotions.
For example, if your teen is doing homework or playing a sport, encourage them to participate fully in the activity. This means putting aside distractions, such as their phone or worries about the future, and focusing solely on the moment.
By participating 100%, they’re practicing mindfulness, which helps them reduce stress and be more effective in whatever they’re doing.
Bonus Tip for Parents:
Try practicing the “What” skills alongside your teen. When you’re feeling stressed or overwhelmed, talk through the process aloud. Say something like, “I’m noticing my heart racing and feeling anxious. I’m going to describe it as feeling overwhelmed because I have a lot to do today. Now, I’m going to focus on the task in front of me and participate fully.”
This models the skill in action and shows your teen that it’s okay to feel emotions—they’re just a part of life we can manage with practice.
By using DBT’s “What” skills, you’re teaching your teen to stay present, manage their emotions, and focus on what matters most in the moment. These skills will not only help them navigate challenging situations but also build resilience for the future.
Both of these DBT skills—Mindfulness of Emotions and the “What” skills—are valuable tools for teens learning to regulate their emotions and respond to life’s challenges. As a parent, your support and guidance in practicing these skills can make a significant impact on your teen’s emotional well-being.