When teens feel overwhelmed or distressed, it’s common for emotions to take over. This can lead to explosive outbursts, self-sabotaging behaviors, or anxiety spirals. But it doesn’t have to be this way. While teens may not control every challenging situation they face, they can learn how to control their responses through DBT self-soothe techniques.
What Are Self-Soothe Skills?
Self-soothe skills, a core concept in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), involve actions someone takes to calm themselves down without relying on others. These behaviors allow a person to manage emotions effectively and regain control, even in difficult moments. By practicing self-soothe skills, teens can prevent emotions like anger, frustration, or sadness from driving impulsive decisions or actions.
Why Are Self-Soothe Skills Important for Teens?
When emotions take the lead, decision-making often suffers. Reacting out of anger or fear, for example, can lead to actions teens might later regret—like saying something hurtful to a friend or acting out at home. Self-soothe skills help them pause, regain perspective, and handle situations more thoughtfully.
For instance, if a teen gets into a heated argument with a friend and impulsively sends a mean text, it could permanently damage their relationship. Similarly, acting out at home or school in frustration can create unnecessary conflict or consequences. By learning self-soothe techniques, teens can keep emotions in check and make choices they’ll feel better about in the long run.
How Can Teens Practice Self-Soothe Skills?
The most effective self-soothe techniques often engage one or more of the five senses—sight, smell, taste, touch, or sound. Here’s how your teen can use these senses to manage overwhelming emotions:
1. Sight
Encouraging teens to focus on their surroundings can help shift their attention away from their emotions.
Look around the room and count objects of a specific color or shape.
Observe intricate details of one object, like its texture or patterns.
Read the labels on a nearby object, such as a food package, to ground their focus.
2. Smell
Certain scents can naturally calm the mind.
Light a candle or use a diffuser with soothing scents like lavender or vanilla.
Encourage your teen to identify the aromas in their environment.
Use essential oils with calming properties, like chamomile or peppermint.
3. Taste
Food and drink can provide comfort or shift focus during emotional moments.
Chew gum or eat a mint with a bold flavor.
Sip on a warm, soothing drink like tea.
Enjoy a favorite snack that feels comforting, like a special treat they associate with home.
4. Touch
Physical sensations can help teens stay grounded.
Hold or touch objects with interesting textures, like a stress ball or soft blanket.
Use a sensory tool, like a fidget spinner or a smooth stone.
Wash their hands or splash their face with cold water to reset.
5. Sound
Listening to calming sounds can regulate emotions effectively.
Play a favorite calming playlist or song.
Use an app for guided meditations or nature sounds.
Focus on background noises in their environment, like rain, ticking clocks, or household appliances.
Movement as a Self-Soothe Tool
Movement can also play a powerful role in calming the mind. A simple walk outside, stretching, or deep breathing exercises can significantly reduce the intensity of strong emotions. These activities help release tension and provide a sense of control.
Personalizing Self-Soothe Techniques
Every teen is different, so it’s essential to help them identify what works best for them. Encourage experimentation with different methods until they find what resonates. The goal is to create a personalized “toolkit” of self-soothe strategies they can rely on when emotions run high.
Why Self-Soothe Skills Matter Especially for Teens
Teens often face unique emotional challenges. They may feel powerless over certain situations, whether it’s school stress, social conflicts, or family disagreements. Without the emotional regulation skills that come with maturity, they’re more likely to act on impulse. DBT self-soothe skills provide teens with tools to navigate these challenges and regain a sense of calm and control.
When Should Teens Use Self-Soothe Techniques?
Encourage your teen to practice self-soothe skills whenever they feel their emotions starting to take over. For example:
When they feel like yelling during an argument, they can choose to pause and focus on their breathing instead.
If they’re angry at a sibling, they can take a moment to listen to a favorite song or journal their thoughts before reacting.
You, as a parent, can also model these skills. If you’re feeling frustrated, you might take a moment to go for a walk or engage in a calming activity rather than reacting immediately.
Building Long-Term Emotional Resilience
Teaching teens to self-soothe isn’t just about managing emotions in the moment—it’s about fostering emotional resilience that will benefit them throughout their lives. With these skills, they’ll learn to navigate challenges more effectively, maintain healthier relationships, and feel more confident in their ability to handle life’s ups and downs.
Encouraging your teen to practice DBT self-soothe skills can make a big difference in their emotional well-being, giving them tools to stay grounded and in control, even when life gets tough.