This week in our skills groups, we’re diving into the concept of pros and cons. While this isn't a new idea—we've all used pros and cons to weigh decisions like which college to attend or where to move—we're exploring it in a deeper, more meaningful way.
In our groups, we teach the concept of "wise mind," which is about tuning into both the facts of a situation and our emotional responses. This helps us make decisions based on intuition and what’s best for our lives and goals, rather than acting purely on emotion or cold logic.
Understanding Wise Mind
Wise mind is a skill we teach to individuals, teens, and parents. It involves understanding what’s happening, recognizing how we feel about it, and synthesizing that information to make decisions that serve our best interests.
Using Pros and Cons to Activate Wise Mind
When faced with a difficult decision, whether it's a high-stress situation or an everyday choice, pros and cons can help. This skill is especially useful in moments of high distress, where the urge might be towards self-destructive behavior, like self-harm, substance use, or actions that lead to regret.
Example: Dealing with Urges
Consider a situation where you’re feeling highly distressed and have urges for self-destructive behavior. Using pros and cons, you would look at the benefits of acting on this urge (e.g., immediate emotional relief) and the downsides (e.g., long-term regret, increased monitoring by others). This balanced view helps you make a decision that aligns with your long-term goals, rather than just seeking short-term relief.
The Science Behind It
It's important to note that understanding why people act on their emotions—biologically—helps us empathize without condoning harmful behaviors. This approach helps us navigate complex emotions and decisions with compassion and clarity.
Practical Application for Parents and Teens
Pros and cons aren't just for major life decisions; they can be applied to everyday interactions. For parents of teens with self-destructive behaviors, this skill can be invaluable. It helps in deciding how to respond effectively, whether it's encouraging your teen to get out of bed or supporting them in making healthier choices.
Empowering Teens
Instead of telling teens what to do, guide them to use pros and cons themselves. For example, if your teen wants to skip Film Club because they’re feeling sad, help them weigh the pros and cons of going versus staying home. This empowers them to make decisions aligned with their goals and builds their decision-making skills.
Conclusion
The pros and cons skill helps us think through decisions thoroughly and move towards goal-directed behavior with less suffering and more success. It’s not just about making everyday choices but about shaping our responses to align with our long-term goals.