Have you ever made a pros and cons list?
This is often a go to for people when trying to make decisions.
As a parent, we may have even used this skill when it comes to making a big decision for our teens. For example, we could have made a pros and cons list regarding big decisions such as changing schools, getting a driver's license or selecting college majors.
In week 7 of DBT, teens learned the pros and cons skill in a different way to help them skillfully cope with big emotions.
With this skill, we have teens look at the pros and cons of doing their problem behavior as well as not doing their problem behavior. This helps teens recognize what their behavior does for them and paints a full picture to help them be more skillful in the moment.
For example, your teen may be skipping English class. The pro for this may be that your teen avoids feeling anxious when reading out loud in class and the con for skipping class is potentially failing the course.
Additionally, it is important for teens to look at the pros and cons if they did not skip class. A pro for not skipping English class is that your teen doesn't fall behind in the subject. A con for not skipping would be feeling increased anxiety when reading out loud in class. There may be additional pros and cons to this example which would be important for teens to recognize when creating their lists.
Teens are also encouraged to recognize short term and long term effects of each pro and con. The purpose of identifying short term and long term consequences is to help teens see how behaviors can be effective in the moment (short term) but can have lasting impacts in the long run (long term). Many times the problem behavior has positive short term benefits, but often times has negative long term consequences.
Let's take the school avoidance example again. Your teen may feel immediate relief by skipping first period English class to avoid feeling anxious at the moment. However, long term consequences could include failing the class, having disciplinary consequences, trouble reading in other classes and missed opportunities for social connections with peers.
With the pros and cons skill, teens learn that oftentimes their behaviors have greater impacts than they initially realized. This can help teens make healthier choices as well as apply further DBT coping strategies to help get through intense emotions.
Test out this skill with your teen next time problem behaviors become a barrier in your teen’s life. This skill is an effective way to see positive and negative outcomes and problem solve more helpful solutions.