Whether your relationship has hit a rough patch or you simply just want to grow closer to your teen, the good news is that as a parent, you can always work toward improving your relationship.
One of the best ways for you to make sure your relationship is heading in the right direction is to practice mindfulness.
When you spend time with your teen, be present. Make sure you are aware of their presence and their needs, and that you take the time to validate their thoughts and feelings. In time, you will notice a stronger bond between you and your teen, and your relationship will begin to deepen.
Anytime you and your teen are together is an opportunity for you to practice relational mindfulness. Whether you are alone together, actively spending time together, or interactively together, there are steps you can take to be present and help your relationship grow:
Practicing mindfulness when you are alone together
While the phrase “alone together” may seem like a strange oxymoron, it is a pretty common way for families to spend time with one another. This term refers to when people are physically in the same area as someone else, but they are not interacting with one another.
Maybe your teen is playing a video game in the living room while you are reading a book on the couch. Maybe you are sitting at one end of the kitchen table catching up on work while your teen is on the other end finishing their homework or studying for a test.
Even in moments like these, you can practice mindfulness by choosing to be aware of your teen and their needs:
If your teen has been working on their school work for a while, or you hear them clear their throat, go bring them a snack or a glass of water. This seemingly small gesture will let them know that you are still paying attention to them and that you are trying to address their needs.
Take on an observer role and pay attention to what your teen is doing. This can help you be more in tune with their feelings, reactions, and behaviors, If you and your teen are in the same room, but you don’t notice that they are upset or frustrated about something, this may lead your teen to feel like you don’t care enough to notice or address their feelings.
Avoid avoidance behaviors. If there is an elephant in the room, it can be easy for you to opt to be hyperproductive or to numb out and pretend that nothing is happening so that you don’t have to deal with a conversation or feelings that might be sensitive or uncomfortable. When appropriate, choose to communicate about any issues head-on so that you can show your teen that you value your relationship enough to have hard conversations.
Practicing mindfulness when you are actively together
In addition to being alone together, there should be times when you and your teen are actively together. Whether you are playing basketball together, working on a school project, or enjoying a television show, these are valuable moments for you and your teen.
When you and your teen are both doing something together, you may feel like you are practicing mindfulness even when you aren’t. Because you are mainly focusing on the activity the two of you are doing, you might not be as aware of your teen as you might think.
Here are a couple of ways you can make sure that you are practicing mindfulness in these moments:
Stay fully engaged. It might be tempting to look at your phone or to shift your attention away from the activity for a moment or two. However, it is important for you to stay present and participate. When you are completely engaged in the activity you are doing with your teen, it shows them that you value this quality time.
Get outside of your heads. When your focus is on spending time with your teen completing some task or doing some activity, allow this immersion to help you let go of any distractions. Teens can sense when your mind is somewhere else, so try to get outside of your head and just enjoy the present moment and experience with your teen.
Practicing mindfulness when you are interactively together
When you and your teen are interactively together, you are communicating or interacting with one another in a way that allows the two of you to focus on one another.
These moments can be essential for helping your relationship thrive, but only if you are practicing mindfulness along the way:
Avoid judgment. When your teen talks to you, validate and restate their thoughts and feelings in an impartial way without any judgment. Make sure that if you are having a tough conversation, that you aren’t projecting your own feelings onto your teen. Only speak about your own thoughts and feelings and the actions that you can observe from your teen.
Be aware of your feelings. When you are not in control of your feelings, you might respond to your teen with anger, bitterness, or judgment, which will be detrimental to your relationship. When you are mindful of your feelings, it will allow you to take the time you need to address these feelings so they do not negatively impact your teen.
Validate their feelings. Listen and be present when your teen is communicating with you in these moments. Make sure that even if you disagree, that you validate your teen’s feelings so they feel understood and trust that they can come to you with their concerns and issues in the future.
By practicing mindfulness in these ways, you will start to see the relationship between you and your teen blossom.