Every parent needs to be able to set limits with their teens. However, setting these limits is often easier said than done.
If you’re like most parents, you have probably wondered how you can set limits that your teen will respect without being too harsh or damaging your relationship.
Thankfully, there are ways for you to embrace both change and acceptance during this process, allowing you to set firm limits while respecting your teen’s feelings and having a positive conversation.
Here are some strategies that can help you set effective limits with your teen:
Consider your goal
It will be difficult for you to be able to establish and enforce limitations if you are not quite sure what you actually want these limits to be or why you want these limits in the first place.
Remember, the goal of setting limits should not be to punish your child, but rather to guide your child to participate in appropriate behavior.
Think about the desired behavior you want to see and make sure any limits you present to your teen align with your goals.
Practice self-awareness
Take some time to focus on being mindful of your own emotions, wants, and desires before you approach your teen about new limitations. If you head into the conversation with a judgemental attitude or high emotions, it will be difficult for you to have a productive conversation.
The last thing you want is for your teen to think that you are giving them these limits as a punishment or because you do not like them as a person.
Take stock of your own emotions and wait until you are calm, present, and goal-oriented before you start this conversation with your teen.
Remember timing is everything
Sometimes a conversation that would have otherwise gone well causes a fight because it happens at the wrong time.
Did you and your teen just have a big argument? It’s probably not the best time for you to bring up this conversation.
Before you communicate new limitations with your teen, ask yourself:
Is now a good time? Will my teen be receptive to what I have to say at this moment?
How am I feeling? Will my emotions hinder my message?
When it comes to successfully communicating limits for your teen, timing can make all the difference. If you realize it is not a good time, wait!
Communicate clearly
When the timing is right, make sure you communicate new limits clearly while keeping your relationship in mind. Your conversation should be a balance of promoting change by communicating objectives you would like to have met and acceptance by making sure the way you communicate helps support and preserve your relationship.
Here are a few tips to help you express to your teen exactly what you want in a clear but non-judgmental manner:
Share your goal. Before you specify your limit, make sure your teen knows that the two of you are on the same page and are trying to work toward the same goal.
Assert the limit clearly. Do not skirt around what you are trying to say.
Answer questions. Make sure your teen fully understands the limit and that there is no confusion on either your or their end of the discussion.
Provide reasoning. Your teen should fully understand exactly why you are giving them this limit.
Validate their feelings. If they feel angry, sad, or upset during your conversation, offer validation and support.
Offer help and guidance. Remind them that this limit is not a punishment and that the two of you can work toward desired behaviors together.
Be flexible. If your child wants a reasonable negotiation, don’t be afraid to at least hear out what they have to say. Remember your goal!
When you keep these tips in mind, your conversation will be a lot smoother and more productive.
Provide positive reinforcement
When you set new limits, make positive reinforcement a priority. Whenever you notice them engaging in desirable behaviors, offer praise and support.
His will demonstrate that you value their relationship and the steps they are taking toward your shared goal, decrease the likelihood of them exhibiting problematic behaviors, and help promote a relationship based on love, trust, and mutual respect.
While setting limits is not easy, when you implement these strategies, you will notice that this process will be more effective and you will be able to push for change while also maintaining a positive relationship with your teen.