Does your teen ever spiral into a meltdown over something that might not even be true? Perhaps they didn’t get a quick reply to a text and immediately assumed their friend is mad at them, or they scored poorly on one quiz and decided they’re failing school. These thought patterns are incredibly common among teens, and they can lead to unnecessary anxiety, conflict, and emotional overwhelm.
The DBT skill Check the Facts is designed to help teens pause, examine their assumptions, and assess whether their emotional response matches the reality of the situation. By practicing this skill, teens can avoid jumping to conclusions and instead respond more thoughtfully.
Here’s how it works:
Identify the Emotion: Help your teen name what they’re feeling. Are they angry, anxious, or sad?
Explore the Trigger: Ask what event or situation led to the emotion. Was it a specific comment, action, or experience?
Question the Thought: Encourage them to ask themselves, “Is this thought true?” and “What evidence supports or contradicts it?”
Reframe the Narrative: If the thought isn’t entirely true, help them create a more balanced perspective. For instance, instead of “My friend hates me,” they might think, “Maybe my friend is busy and hasn’t replied yet.”
When teens Check the Facts, they gain a clearer understanding of their situation, which helps them respond more calmly and effectively. This skill not only reduces emotional intensity but also fosters better communication and relationships.
“Sarah’s” Journey with Checking the Facts
Fifteen-year-old Sarah often felt overwhelmed by her friendships. One day, she noticed her friends had made plans without inviting her. Immediately, Sarah assumed they were angry with her and didn’t want her around. She spent the evening crying in her room and decided to stop talking to them altogether.
In therapy, Sarah’s DBT specialist introduced her to the Check the Facts skill. They began by breaking down the situation: Sarah identified her emotion as sadness and her trigger as seeing the plans on social media. Next, they examined her thought: “My friends are leaving me out because they don’t like me.”
Together, they looked for evidence to support or disprove this thought. Sarah realized she had no proof her friends were upset with her. In fact, they had just hung out the day before and seemed happy to see her. She then reframed her narrative: “Maybe this was just a last-minute plan I wasn’t part of, and it doesn’t mean they’re upset with me.”
The next day, Sarah reached out to one of her friends, who explained that the outing wasn’t planned and they hadn’t meant to exclude her. By challenging her assumptions, Sarah avoided unnecessary conflict and strengthened her friendships instead of isolating herself.
Stories like Sarah’s show how transformative Check the Facts can be for teens. It gives them a way to slow down, process their emotions, and see situations more clearly.
Proven Results with Check the Facts
Having worked with hundreds of teens and families over the past decade, we’ve seen how the Check the Facts skill can drastically reduce emotional intensity and improve decision-making. This skill has helped teens:
Navigate friendships: By questioning assumptions, they avoid unnecessary drama and strengthen their relationships.
Handle academic stress: Teens who Check the Facts can challenge catastrophic thoughts like “I’m going to fail everything” and reframe them into manageable steps.
Improve family communication: Instead of assuming a parent’s criticism is unfair, they can assess whether the feedback has merit and how to respond constructively.
Reduce anxiety: Teens prone to worst-case-scenario thinking can pause and evaluate whether their fears are based on reality.
For example, one teen in our program used Check the Facts during a heated argument with her sibling. Initially, she assumed her sibling’s sarcasm meant they didn’t care about her feelings. After checking the facts, she realized her sibling was joking and had no intention of hurting her. This shift in perspective de-escalated the conflict and brought them closer together.
These small but significant changes add up. Over time, teens who practice Check the Facts feel more confident, resilient, and capable of navigating life’s challenges.
The Time For Support Is Now
If your teen struggles with emotional overwhelm or assumptions that lead to unnecessary distress, the Check the Facts skill can be a game-changer. At our practice, we specialize in teaching teens practical, evidence-based DBT skills that help them manage their emotions, build better relationships, and feel more in control of their lives.