Imagine you’re watching a movie, but every time the story starts to move forward, your streaming platform rewinds and jumps back to the previous scene over and over and over again.
This would be incredibly frustrating, right?
While it is not entirely the same, this is very similar to what teens go through when they struggle with ruminating thoughts.
Ruminating thoughts are obsessive or catastrophic thoughts that are on repeat in your teen’s head, and they can prevent your teen from moving forward and being their true selves.
For example, if your teen has ruminating thoughts, they might do any or all of the following:
Constantly revisit an embarrassing or painful memory from their past
Repeat negative thoughts like “I’ll never be good enough” or “This situation will never get better”
Always focus on “what ifs” and how they could and should have done things better in a particular instance
Constantly think about what could go wrong in any given situation
Devote too much energy to thinking about other people’s perceptions of them
These obsessive thoughts are not productive, and they do nothing but increase your teen’s anxiety, encourage negative self-talk and other unhealthy coping behaviors, and decrease your teen’s sense of self-worth.
Ruminating thoughts can have a host of negative consequences for your teen:
They may avoid making choices that they want to make out of fear of judgment from others
They might become too afraid to make certain decisions because they are always anticipating the worst possible outcome
They may experience high levels of stress and have a difficult time relaxing
They might start to see themselves in a negative light or consider themselves a failure
If you notice that your teen is struggling with these ruminating thoughts, there are a few steps you can take to help:
Allow time to worry
While this might sound counterproductive, it can actually go a long way toward stopping the rumination cycle.
Give your teen a journal and encourage them to spend 15 or 20 minutes in the morning or afternoon writing out the thoughts that are consuming their mind. Tell them to set their phone timer so that they can keep track of the time.
This will give your teens a chance to get their thoughts on paper, allowing them to express themselves and their feelings while also providing them with the opportunity to realize those thoughts do not have power over them.
Although preventing your teen from worrying might seem like parenting 101, allowing a safe, productive, and healthy outlet for teens to express their anxious thoughts will actually help your teen gain a handle on their ruminating thoughts.
Practice mindfulness
Sometimes teens do not even realize that they have ruminating thoughts, even if they are in the middle of a rumination cycle.
Talk to your teen about ruminating thoughts so that they can learn to recognize these thoughts and make a shift when they find themselves falling into this pattern of thinking.
When your teen is able to be mindful of their ruminating thoughts, it will help them learn ways to combat these thoughts.
You can help your teen practice mindfulness through activities like meditation, yoga, or journaling.
Make a plan
When your teen shares their catastrophic thoughts with you, it can help provide comfort if you are able to sit down with them and make a plan.
Is your teen having trouble focusing on studying because they are too worried about failing their upcoming test?
Help them come up with an effective study plan so that they decrease their chances of doing poorly on their test, and remind them that if they do fail, it has no bearing on their self-worth.
Show your teen ways to challenge their thoughts and put them into perspective, and then give them the tools to lower the chances that their worries never come to fruition.
Unwind
Sometimes the best way for your teen to fight against the ruminating thoughts that they are facing at the moment is to relax and take their mind off these thoughts.
When teens have healthy outlets to relieve their stress like exercise, reading, drawing, or other hobbies, it can allow them to break the rumination cycle and get out of their heads for a bit.
Help your teen find activities that they are interested in that will help alleviate the stress and anxiety caused by these ruminating thoughts.