When your teen feels overwhelmed or distressed, they may have trouble calming themselves down and regulating their emotions.
This can lead to outbursts of anger, self-destructive behavior, and anxiety spiraling among other problematic outcomes.
However, this does not always have to be the case.
While your teen may not be able to control the situations they face in life, they can learn how to control their emotional response by practicing self-soothing.
What is self-soothing?
Self-soothing is a technique that includes any activity a person does to manage their emotions on their own.
By soothing themselves, they are able to keep their emotions from taking the front seat of their decision making, even when no one else is around. Hence, the name “self” soothing.
Why is self-soothing important?
Self-soothing helps people manage their emotions and prevent themselves from making poor decisions out of fear, anger, sadness, or frustration.
When people act solely out of negative emotions, chances are high that they will act in a way that is inappropriate, harmful, or destructive. In doing so, they risk damaging their relationships, robbing themselves of important opportunities, and getting into trouble.
If your teen gets mad at a friend and calls them a bad name, they may ruin the friendship. If you knock over papers at work out of anger, you may lose your job or keep yourself out of the running for a promotion.
Self-soothing is important because it keeps distressing emotions from leading to negative actions.
How do people self-soothe?
Self-soothing typically involves using the body’s five senses to help minimize the intensity of big emotions.
Sight
Paying attention to the objects in their environment helps people shift their focus from the emotions they are experiencing.
This can involve actions like:
Counting the number of objects in a room that are of a particular shape or color
Keeping track of how many unique features there are on a specific object
Reading all of the nutrition information and ingredients on a nearby food label
Smell
Certain scents can have an effect on our temperament. Some scents, like lavender and vanilla, have even been shown to have calming properties.
There are many ways to reduce overwhelming feelings by engaging with this sense:
Light a candle with a calming scent
Try to identify the aroma(s) in the room
Smell the scent of an essential oil with a calming aroma
Taste
On the acclaimed show, Ted Lasso, the titular character asks his boss if she has a favorite food that can teleport her back home and “make [her] feel warm and fuzzy?”
Although this line was meant for a television show, there is some truth behind it. Some foods provide a familiar taste that people find to be comforting and calming because of their personal connections to the food.
Other foods, like mints and tea, have strong tastes and calming properties that can help draw focus from big emotions.
People can self-soothe using this sense by:
Chewing minty gum or eating strong breath mints
Slowly sipping a hot cup of flavorful tea
Eating their favorite food or a food that brings them comfort
Touch
Touch is an important part of self-soothing because it helps individuals stay grounded. This keeps their body calm by helping it realize that it is not in danger or under any immediate threat.
Individuals can use touch to help self-soothe by:
Feeling objects with different textures
Using a sensory object like a fidget spinner
Washing their face with ice cold water
Sound
Focusing on the sounds in their environment can help people feel grounded and relaxed when they are tempted to act on big emotions.
Using sound to self-soothe can look like:
Listening to a peaceful, comforting song
Playing a guided meditation through an app
Paying attention to the sounds in their environment like clocks ticking or the washer running
By using their senses to calm themselves down, people can keep their emotions from getting the best of themselves.
Another way to self-soothe is to use movement. Simple actions like going for a walk or completing deep breathing exercises can help with emotion regulation.
While these actions can help people self-soothe, this is by no means an exhaustive list. Any action that a person is able to use to regulate their emotions without the aid of others is considered a self-soothing behavior.
For this reason, it is crucial for people to find the self-soothing practices that are most effective in their own lives.
Who benefits from self-soothing?
Self-soothing is a technique that can help anyone of any age, but it is especially helpful for teenagers.
Oftentimes teenagers have more difficulty staying in control of their emotions because they don’t have control over their environment and they don’t have as much experience regulating these feelings as adults do.
If your teenager tends to give in to their big emotions, encouraging them to practice self-soothing can make a major difference.
When should people practice self-soothing?
Any time you or your teen feel like you are in jeopardy of allowing your feelings to take control in a distressing situation, you should practice self-soothing behaviors.
Maybe you want to lash out at your teen for refusing to take out the trash, but you decide to take a relaxing bath or a walk around the neighborhood to calm down first.
Maybe your teen wants to slam their door or throw something when they get angry, but they choose to take deep breaths and listen to their favorite song instead.
In these situations, self-soothing behaviors can keep emotions from turning into regrettable actions.
There is no wrong time to practice self-soothing. Any time anyone is experiencing big emotions and needs to calm themselves down, self-soothing behaviors can help.
Learn more about self-soothing and other strategies your teen can use to manage their emotions when you visit our website.