When your teen was young, they likely accepted everything you said without question. Whether you were talking about the tooth fairy or why the sky is blue, your little one was willing to take your words as truth.
As teens transition into adulthood, this isn’t always the case. Teens naturally start to question who they are and why they believe what they believe as they get older, and more often than not these beliefs and values can differ from those held by their parents.
While you want to encourage your teen to be self-aware and to think for themself, it can be hard to coexist as a family unit when your teen has vastly different viewpoints, especially if your teen seems to challenge your beliefs.
Here are some strategies that you can use to navigate polarized beliefs within your household:
Validate your feelings
Before you can have tough conversations with your teen about your conflicting viewpoints, you need to be aware of your own feelings.
Are you feeling hurt or disappointed because your teen no longer sees value in attending religious services with the rest of the family?
Are you feeling angry because your teen no longer aligns themselves with certain belief systems that you taught them to uphold?
Are you afraid that you and your teen are going to drift a part because they have become critical of your political affiliation?
Take note of how you are feeling and make sure you validate and address your own feelings before you talk to your teen. When left unchecked, your feelings of hurt and anger can foster bitterness and resentment, which are toxic for any relationship.
If you want to be able to navigate these tough conversations with grace, the first step will be to become aware of your feelings so that you acknowledge them and keep them from getting in the way of productive conversation.
Plan your conversation
If your teen wants to have a discussion with you about their beliefs, set aside a specific time to have this conversation. This will allow you to make sure you are in the proper headspace to have a productive conversation and give you the opportunity to set clear boundaries so that the conversation stays respectful.
When planning your conversation, make sure you keep the following in mind:
Prioritize face to face conversations if at all possible
Be prepared to listen to what your teen has to say
Choose a space free from distractions so you can give your teen your undivided attention
These conversations are important, so it is crucial that you do everything in your power to show your teen that you want to hear what they have to say, and that you are going to take the conversation seriously.
Listen
When people hold viewpoints that are different from our own, it can be easy for us to say they are wrong or to get defensive before we even hear their point of view.
If your teen wants to share an opinion that is different than what you and the rest of your family believe, give them the opportunity to do so without judgement, criticism or defensiveness. Ask genuine questions and seek to understand their perspective. Not only will this help you foster healthy conversation, but it will also show your teen that the thoughts, feelings, and beliefs they have are important and valued.
Remember, listening to someone else’s point of view does not mean you have to agree. It simply means that you are willing to allow them to share their side and that you care about what they have to say.
Agree to disagree
While you may want your teen to share your same beliefs, especially when it comes to big topics like politics and religion, the reality is that this will not always happen.
If there are certain beliefs and values that they hold that can coexist with your own, it is important for you to be willing to agree to disagree with your teen and let go of any disappointment, resentment, or hurt regarding your conflicting viewpoints.
If the two of your beliefs are not able to coexist, work toward developing a healthy compromise that will make both of you happy.
Ultimately, beyond anything else you want to make sure the relationship between you and your teen is what you value most. Choose to let go of your differences and embrace the one thing you know will never change, the love the two of you have for one another.
When you keep these strategies in mind, you and your teen will be able to preserve your loving relationship regardless of your different points of view.