Between managing your teen’s big emotions, working to curtail your teen’s problem behaviors, and supporting your partner as the two of you parent a highly sensitive teen, it’s easy to feel like your family’s rock: strong, dependable, and willing to carry any and every challenge that comes your way.
But while rocks make a strong foundation, even they can be weakened and broken up by weather over time until they eventually erode. If you are facing stormy weather day after day- your teen is constantly yelling, sneaking out, engaging in self-harm, slamming doors, saying hurtful things that make you feel guilty- you, too, will eventually crumble.
The best way to keep this from happening is to have a strong support system.
In order to continue to be a rock for your family, you need to make sure you are weathering the storms that come your way. If you are so burnt out that you don’t have the mental capacity, strength, or space to support your teen when they’re struggling, you won’t be much help to your teen or yourself.
Being the parent of a highly sensitive or behaviorally reactive teen can be challenging and easily lead to burn out.
If every time you try to have a conversation with your teen you are met with “I hate you!” or “Leave me alone,” or you are constantly dealing with yelling and crying, it can wear you down over time.
If you are always inundated with thoughts like Are they self-harming right now? Will they ever overcome their depression? What kind of mood will they be in when they get home? It will be easy for you to start feeling like you’re falling apart. You might also start to feel anger, bitterness, and frustration.
When you feel this way, it can be easy for you to become reactive, which can lead to triggering your teen more and making the situation worse.
When your teen says that everything is going wrong in their life, and you respond with remarks like “Something is always going wrong in your life,” it can cause your teen to react negatively and create a drift between the two of you.
This is why it is important for you to manage your own emotions and practice self-care so that you can recharge, replenish your energy, and be ready to support your teen. Remember, you have to put your own oxygen mask on before you can help others.
In order to make sure that you are taking care of yourself, it is vital that you find social support.
Here are a few ways that you can get the help you need so that you don’t feel drained, overwhelmed, and resentful of your teen:
Professional support
Oftentimes parents of teens who are struggling need their own therapist to process feelings of guilt, sadness, anger, and the grief and loss that comes with not having the child you envisioned.
While it might seem strange to say, this is a grieving process, and you might need the help of a professional to find coping strategies that will help you manage and address your feelings.
Emotional support
There are going to be times when you feel like you’ve hit a wall, and you will be in desperate need of encouragement.
When this happens, who will be in your corner?
There will also be times when your teen makes progress, and you will want to celebrate this success.
When this happens, who will be cheering you on?
Whether this is your partner, a group of friends, a pastor, or an online community or support group, you are going to want people who are by your side, ready to celebrate your wins and mourn your losses, and willing to listen to you when you need emotional support.
Belonging support
Sometimes you need people to help you practice self-care. These people don’t necessarily need to be willing to listen to everything you are going through or to lend emotional support, but just to give you time to be social without focusing on being a parent.
Maybe you and your partner schedule a monthly game night or movie night with another couple. Maybe you have a friend group that likes to shop together, or visit art museums, or play video games.
When you spend time with this group, it will help you relax and take your mind off of parenting your teen and remind you that you are welcomed and valued, so that you can replenish your energy and ultimately be in a better mental space as a parent.
When you are able to get the professional, emotional, and belonging support you need to thrive, you will be able to find the strength to help your teen.