Our lives are full of uncertainty.
We don’t have a crystal ball.
We can’t predict the future.
We don’t know that the leaps of faith we take will work out well in the end.
The reality that we don’t have full control over our futures and the situations we will face in life can cause a lot of anxiety. This is especially true for teenagers who don’t tend to have much control over their lives in general.
Because teens don’t get to have a choice over many aspects of their lives, from where they live to the school they attend to the curfew they have to follow, they tend to find comfort in routines or the few things they do get to control.
When faced with uncertainty and situations in life where they are not in control, teenagers will often feel high levels of stress and anxiety.
While it is natural to feel a bit of discomfort when faced with the unknown, it can be problematic when fear of the unknown triggers anxiety.
Unhealthy coping behaviors
Here are a few behaviors that indicate your teen is having significant trouble coping with uncertainty:
Constantly seeking approval and reassurance
When your teen is so afraid of how a situation might play out that they are constantly seeking reassurance about a choice they have to make, it’s a sign that they have anxiety surrounding the unknown.
While it is a good thing for your teen to want to hear your opinion before making a big decision, it is not good if they are asking constantly or refusing to move forward even with small decisions without seeking reassurance first.
Obsessively double-checking everything
In order to avoid a negative outcome, your teen might obsessively double-check their work. If your teen is terrified that they might not get accepted into their dream college, they might look over their application several times a day before it is time to submit it, for example.
Insisting on doing everything themselves
When teens are afraid of relinquishing their control over a situation because they believe they are the only ones who can make sure everything is done correctly, it is a sign that they have trouble coping with uncertainty.
Practicing avoidance
A major sign that your teen is having difficulty facing the unknown is when they actually refuse to face the unknown.
This could mean skipping cheerleading tryouts because they don’t know whether or not they are good enough to make the team or missing a social event because they don’t know whether or not they will get along with everyone else in attendance.
While many teens fall into these habits when they have to deal with uncertainty, these are unhealthy habits to have because they are time and energy-consuming, and they don’t work!
It’s important for your teen to develop healthy coping strategies when they are faced with unpredictable situations.
Helping your teen learn to face uncertainty
As a parent, there are strategies you can use to help your teen learn to cope with the unknown without triggering their anxiety.
Here are a few tips you can use to help your teen build their tolerance of uncertainty:
Help them list their coping strategies. Your teen may not even be aware that uncertainty makes them anxious. Helping them come up with a list of behaviors they tend to do when they are facing an unpredictable or unexpected situation can help.
Create moments to practice together. You might agree that the two of you will try a new activity together where neither of you feels particularly confident. You might make a deal not to double or triple-check an email before you send it. Come up with a low-stakes idea together. Keep building until your teen is able to face bigger challenges without feeling overwhelming anxiety.
Talk through the worst-case scenario. For example, what is the worst thing that would happen if your teen accidentally left their car keys behind when heading out for the night? They would simply have to turn around and go pick them up! Walking a few steps to pick up these keys is surely less of a hassle than incessantly checking for the keys and panicking about leaving them behind. Talking through the worst-case scenario can help your teen realize that everything will work out okay even if it doesn’t go as planned.
Encourage your teen to journal regularly. Uncertainty is unavoidable. Encourage your teen to journal about situations where the outcome was uncertain. How did they feel? How were they able to cope? What happened? This will help teens learn that oftentimes, the unknown situations that cause them to feel anxiety are not as scary as they originally seem, and it will also help them learn which coping methods work best for them.
