As parents, we all experience moments where our emotions seem to outweigh the situation at hand. You might have found yourself in a scenario where your teenager doesn’t respond to you as they’re walking up the stairs. Perhaps you’ve asked a question, and instead of getting a reply, you’re met with silence. The frustration builds, and before you know it, you’re in a rage.
It’s completely natural to feel annoyed or upset when someone doesn’t hear you or respond, especially when it feels like you’re being ignored. But if this annoyance escalates into intense anger, it may be a sign that your emotional response is disproportionate to the situation.
This is where the skill of Checking the Facts becomes invaluable. It’s a cognitive tool that helps you pause and assess whether your emotional reaction truly matches the situation.
Ask yourself: Does my reaction align with what’s actually happening? Is there another way to interpret this situation? Can I see it from a different perspective? This process of questioning allows you to engage in what is known as top-down processing—essentially, using your thoughts to regulate your emotions.
But what if the intensity of your reaction is rooted in something deeper? Let’s say your anger when your teen doesn’t respond is linked to a childhood experience where your own parent didn’t pay attention to you. In this case, the rage you feel isn’t just about your teen’s behavior; it’s tied to unresolved emotions from your past.
For situations like these, checking the facts is still useful, but you might also benefit from a different approach. Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART) is a therapeutic modality that works from the bottom up. It helps address the underlying emotional triggers from your past, allowing you to process and resolve these deeper issues.
By engaging in ART, you can work through the root cause of your emotional intensity. This way, when a similar situation occurs in the future—like your teen not responding to you—you’re more likely to react in a way that truly matches the present situation, rather than being overwhelmed by past emotions.
When you notice your emotional reaction seems out of proportion to the situation, it’s important to take a step back and check the facts. Ask yourself whether your response fits the current circumstances. If you find that past experiences are influencing your emotions, consider seeking out therapies like Accelerated Resolution Therapy to help you address and resolve those underlying issues. By doing so, you can better manage your reactions and improve your relationship with your teen, ensuring that your emotional responses are more aligned with the present moment.