Understanding the difference between willingness and willfulness can significantly impact how you manage your emotions and help your teenager navigate theirs. Willingness is about being open, accepting, and flexible. It means doing what is needed in a situation, even if it’s uncomfortable or not what you want to do because your emotions are pulling you in a different direction. Imagine being a leaf in a stream, moving with the current rather than fighting against it. Practicing radical acceptance—accepting a situation as it is—can greatly decrease your suffering.
The Challenge of Willfulness
In contrast, willfulness is about being stubborn and rigid, refusing to accept reality. It’s like trying to swim against the current, using all your energy but making little progress. You’re fighting against reality, and it’s exhausting.
Practicing Willingness
To cultivate willingness, follow these steps:
1. Acknowledge Reality: Accept things as they are, not as you wish they were. This can be challenging, especially when reality is painful or not what you want.
2. Approach with an Open Mind: Be ready to do what works, focusing on being effective rather than right.
3. Align with Your Goals: Make choices that align with your life goals, even when it’s hard. This helps you move towards your goals rather than getting stuck in behaviors driven by difficult emotions.
Benefits of Willingness
Choosing willingness over willfulness can improve your relationships by fostering cooperation, adaptability, and reduced conflict. It enhances your coping skills, helping you handle stress and setbacks more effectively. You’ll also build emotional resilience and better emotion regulation skills. Accepting reality helps you manage your emotions and reduces suffering.
Tips for Parents
As parents, modeling willingness is crucial. Here are some tips:
- Show your teen how to be flexible and open-minded, even in tough situations.
- Encourage your teen to practice acceptance and go with the flow without dismissing their emotional experience. Validate their feelings before encouraging any change.
- Practice willingness yourself to suffer less. Remember, it’s not easy, and that’s why support and accountability are important.
If you’re interested in joining one of our DBT groups, reach out to us. We’d love to support you in becoming more skillful, coping better, and reducing suffering so you can enjoy life.
By embracing willingness and letting go of willfulness, you can create a more harmonious and fulfilling life for yourself and your family.