Sometimes teenagers experience thought distortions, which cause them to perceive the situations they experience in a negative, and often unrealistic, way.
Instead of thinking about getting extra tutoring or spending extra time studying after taking a math test, your teen may think, “I’m too stupid to take this math class. I shouldn’t even try in this class anymore.”
Instead of thinking that your phone might be on silent when you miss a call from your teen they may think, “They’re not answering their phone. They must have been in a car wreck. I’m never going to see them again.”
Instead of thinking that their friend might be busy at practice or work, they may think, “He hasn’t texted me back yet. He hates me. I knew he never liked me. No one likes me!”
It can be frustrating as a parent to see your teen succumb to this way of thinking.
Not only are thought distortions unrealistic, but they can also be harmful. When your teen is experiencing thought distortions, it can make it difficult for them to listen to and trust what you have to say. It can also increase the likelihood that they will engage in problem behaviors and amplify their feelings of anxiety, depression, and fear.
Helping your teen shift their mindset so that they are able to think in a more rational and positive manner can be a struggle. However, with patience and the right strategies, you can help your teen challenge their distorted thinking and develop healthier thought patterns.
Here are a few strategies that you can use to help your teen address their thought distortions:
Recognize distorted thinking
It will be hard for you to help your teen if you aren’t able to recognize when they have thought distortions.
Become aware of these distortions so that you can pinpoint these thoughts and help your teen avoid them.
Here are some common signs of distorted thinking:
Black or white thinking: Every situation is not black or white and all-or-nothing. When your teen fails a math test and believes that it’s not worth trying to do well in that class anymore, for example, it’s a sign that they are falling into this thought trap.
Catastrophizing: When every slight hiccup is turned into a major catastrophe in your teen’s mind, chances are they are experiencing thought distortions. There are countless reasons why someone might not pick up the phone that don’t involve them being in an accident or falling gravely ill, for instance.
Negative labeling: When your teen assigns themselves labels like “idiot” or “worthless” after making a mistake, they need to shift their thought patterns.
Taking situations personally: Taking unrelated situations personally is a strong indicator of thought distortions. When someone doesn’t text your teen back right away, and they immediately jump to conclusions about their worth or whether or not they are liked, this is a problematic mindset.
Once you are able to recognize these signs, you will be better equipped to help your teen address their negative thought patterns.
Challenge distorted thoughts
When your teen comes up to you and says something that indicates they are experiencing thought distortions, try to gently challenge these thoughts.
For example, if your teen doesn’t make the basketball team, and they say, “I’m a failure,” you could try encouraging them to be kind to themselves and getting them to think about why they are more than a single accomplishment.
Give your teen alternative ways of thinking and perspectives for them to weigh so that they can see that their distorted thoughts are not their only option.
By encouraging your teen to challenge their distorted thoughts, they will become better at recognizing and addressing these thoughts when they arise.
Try cognitive behavioral therapy
Thought distortions are cognitive distortions, so they can often be helped with cognitive behavioral therapy.
With cognitive behavioral therapy, your teen will be able to work with a therapist to learn to identify and challenge their thought distortions.
This way, they will be able to adopt a growth mindset instead of assigning negative labels to themself, they will be able to avoid catastrophizing and overgeneralizing, and they will be able to stop taking circumstances personally when these situations are outside of their control.
If you recognize that your teen is wrestling with thought distortions, trying these strategies can help you offer the support and guidance that they need to overcome these distortions and experience healthier thought patterns.