When your teen is experiencing big emotions or feeling distressed, it can be hard for them to calm down and make the most sensible decision when they are in the moment.
However, while it can be difficult for teenagers to manage these emotions and their subsequent emotions, it is not impossible, especially when they are able to self-soothe.
What is self-soothing?
Self-soothing requires using the body’s senses and present surroundings in order to reduce the intensity of big emotions.
When teens are able to engage their senses and observe their immediate environment, it can help them calm down enough to make a more rational decision when they are experiencing negative emotions.
Applying self-soothing strategies at home
The best part about self-soothing is that teens are able to do it anywhere at any time. They don’t need any resources outside of their body and its five senses, and they don’t have to wait for a therapist or trained professional in order to receive some relief and support when they are facing big emotions.
Here are some examples of self-soothing that your teen can do at home:
Sight
When self-soothing, teens can look around their environment and focus on things that they can see at the present moment. Counting or naming objects and other things they can see around them is a good way to slow their breathing and naturally help them stay calm.
Have your teen try:
Naming all of the objects in the room that are a certain color
Counting how many objects they see with a particular texture or material
Looking at an object that is far away and noticing all of its features
Counting how many books are in the vicinity
Reading all of the ingredients on a food label that’s nearby
Touch
Teens can also self-soothe using their sense of touch. Touch helps teenagers with grounding, which can offer relief when they are struggling with anxiety or having a panic attack. Touching objects can remind teens that they are okay and not in immediate danger.
Have your teen try:
Using a fidget spinner or fidget toy
Going around the room and touching everything that has a different texture
Splashing their face with water
Wrapping up in a warm blanket or a weighted blanket
Picking up the nearest object and noticing its weight, texture, and temperature
Taking a warm or a cold shower
Smell
There are many scents, like lavender, vanilla, and rosemary, that are considered to be calming aromas. Stopping to focus on a calming aroma or any other scent, can give your teen the moment of peace and clarity they need when they are faced with negative emotions.
Have your teen try:
Lighting a candle with their favorite scent
Carrying their favorite essential oil scent with them to use around the house
Focusing on any smell that they can notice in the present moment, good or bad
Taking a bath with scented soap or a scented bath bomb
Taste
Just like touch, taste also provides a sense of grounding for your teen. Some foods, like mints, are known to have calming properties that can help your teen. Other foods that don’t have calming properties can still allow your teen to shift their focus away from their immediate stressors.
Have your teen try:
Chewing minty gum
Eating a couple of strong mints
Savoring a piece of chocolate
Preparing and eating their favorite snack
Sound
Your teen can self-soothe by listening to the sounds around them. When your teen is focused on noticing sounds, it will help slow their heart rate and give them a moment to breathe before they act on any intense emotions.
Have your teen try:
Hearing how many different types of bird calls they can hear by the window
Focusing on the passing traffic or other sounds from their neighborhood
Tapping on the table or desk in front of them and make a beat
Listening to their favorite song
Playing soothing music or calming sounds on YouTube or a relaxation app on their phone
Listening to a guided meditation through a meditation app
Movement
While movement is not generally considered to be one of the body’s senses, in Dialectical Behavior Therapy, body movement is an important self-soothing technique.
Have your teen try:
Deep breathing
Running up and down the stairs a couple of times
Doing 15 jumping jacks
Dancing to their favorite song (bonus points for incorporating sound, too!)
Walking to the door of each room of your home
When your teen is experiencing big emotions, these self-soothing exercises can help. Encourage your teen to try these different strategies and consider doing some of them with your teen if possible!