Self-esteem is by definition the competence in our own worth and our own abilities. Who wouldn't want that?
One thing we’ve seen with teen self-esteem is that it can really increase or decrease based upon life circumstances.
So for example, if you get positive feedback or a good grade, your self-esteem is probably going to be a little bit higher because you’ve experienced something that increases your confidence in your abilities.
On the other hand, if you make a mistake or get negative feedback, these experiences may lower your confidence temporarily and you might start to doubt your capability.
Self-Esteem vs. Self-Compassion
Research is actually showing that we can deal with those ups and downs by having self-compassion and that this is the key ingredient to really knowing that we are worthwhile as a person, regardless of what whether you’re achieving and succeeding at your goals or weather you missed the mark. The way you feel about yourself stops being contingent on what you DO.
Whether we excel at 110% or meet our minimums at 50%, we can navigate the twists and turns of life’s unexpected events using self-compassion.
This all important mindfulness tool can help you say things to yourself like:
I’m doing the best I can and I can do better next time using what I learned. I’m good enough even when I didn’t get the grade I wanted.
This wasn’t my best performance, but I’m proud of myself for going out there.
Making mistakes is human. When we can stop comparing ourselves to others as a way to prove that we don’t measure up and we can start recognizing that being imperfect is a shared human experience, we can end each day with the knowledge that we are lovable and worthwhile regardless of what we achieve or don't achieve and at the same time that there's always room for growth.
Written by Jen Moyer