Few things are more heartbreaking than seeing your teen throw in the towel or feel down on themselves because they lack confidence.
You have all the faith in the world in them, and you believe they can handle any challenges that come their way, but no matter how hard you try, they don’t see themselves the same way.
Although it is tough to see your teen in this position, the good news is that this lack of confidence doesn’t have to be permanent.
You can help your teen boost their confidence when you use the Build Mastery Skill:
What is the Build Mastery Skill?
The Build Mastery Skill is a dialectical behavioral therapy tool that your teen can use to build their mastery and their confidence by doing activities they like.
Think about the last time you experienced flow. A moment when you were so engaged in completing an activity you enjoy that you lost all sense of time, worry, and self-doubt. Maybe you have a hobby like surfing, woodworking, or playing an instrument that causes you to feel this way. Maybe it happens when you are working hard at learning a new skill, and it takes all of your focus. Regardless of the activity, when you are fully invested in something that you enjoy and are good at, it helps you feel more competent, confident, and joyful.
The same is true when your teen is able to fully engage in an activity that they like. As they build mastery with this activity, they will feel like a more capable person.
Here are three ways that your teen can build their confidence using the Build Mastery Skill:
Trying something new
When teens devote time and energy to trying something new, they will learn a few key lessons:
Everyone makes mistakes
Anyone can master a new skill with practice
If you can master one new skill, you can master another
It is okay to ask for help
Understanding these lessons will naturally boost your teen’s confidence because they will see that they are capable of accomplishing anything they put their mind to if they are willing to try their best without giving up.
Encourage your teen to take up a new activity. Maybe they want to become a better cook or to learn to play guitar, for example.
As they start to learn this new skill, remind them that it is okay to make mistakes when they are learning something new. When they recognize that mistakes are a part of life, it will prevent them from feeling less than or worthless if they miss the mark and it will help them be brave enough to take on new challenges in the future.
When your teen struggles or gets stuck when trying this new activity, remind them that they can ask for help or look for resources that will provide assistance. This will show them that even in real-world situations outside of learning a new activity, they shouldn’t lack confidence just because they need support or help sometimes.
Eventually, your teen will become proficient at their new skill. Being able to do something well will make them feel better about themselves, which will translate to other areas of their life as well.
Practicing building mastery
Any time your teen is able to master a skill or complete a task, it will increase their confidence. Think of their confidence levels like a bucket of water. Every single time they do something that makes them feel proud of themselves, it is like they have added another drop of water into their confidence bucket.
In order to help them continue to fill their bucket, show them ways to practice building mastery.
This could involve literal practice with a skill or activity like spending extra time learning a new song on the piano or learning a soccer dribbling technique. It can also involve doing small, meaningful activities and tasks that will steadily increase their confidence bucket. For instance, small tasks like completing a chore, helping a friend, or writing a kind note to someone can make your teen feel good about themselves.
When your teen continues to practice building mastery, they will be building their confidence at the same time.
Giving themselves credit
Have you ever thanked your teen for taking out the garbage or playing a game with their little siblings only to be met with “it was no big deal” or a shrug?
While this might not seem significant, these moments show just how often your teen might downplay their accomplishments. When your teen doesn’t value their daily achievements and strides, both big and small, they won’t recognize just how much they are growing and how capable they actually are.
Encourage your teen to give themselves credit for their accomplishments so that at the end of the day, they can look back and see just how much they have done.
When your teen is able to do these three steps, they will slowly start to build their confidence over time and grow into the person you always knew they could be.