Everyone expects parents to be superheroes: always ready to step in and help, say the exact right thing at the exact right moment, and provide comfort when your teens need it most.
But even superheroes get overwhelmed and need a break from time to time.
We understand.
Between work, taking care of your kids, and your own personal emotions and situations that you are dealing with, your plate is certainly full. Then on top of taking care of yourself and your family, you also have to be prepared to find ways to validate and support your teen and all of their big emotions and behaviors.
With all of this going on, how could you not feel burnt out?
We know just how stressful and exhausting it can be to help support a teenager with really heightened emotions. Trying to manage other people’s emotions is tiring, especially if you do not fully understand why they are feeling the way that they are.
Unfortunately, this exhaustion and burnout can lead to invalidation, and you might begin to think that your teen is manipulative, overreacting, or dramatic.
When everything is a “thing” with your teen, it can be easy to want to roll your eyes and think “Here we go again,” or “Yes, I get it, everything makes you sad,” or “Why do they have to have such intense feelings about everything?!”
While you might not say that out loud to your child, these thoughts can lead you to invalidate your teen’s emotions in other ways like dismissing their feelings, or providing quick, unhelpful solutions, or even getting into arguments.
If you find yourself in this boat, there is hope.
Here are a few things you can do to help avoid burnout and prevent yourself from invalidating your teen’s emotions out of exhaustion:
Validate your own feelings
If you don’t acknowledge and handle your own emotions, it will be impossible for you to help your teen. This is especially true if you are also a highly sensitive person.
Take time to process your own emotions. Figure out what you are feeling and remind yourself that your feelings are valid, even if they are confusing or conflicting.
If you are feeling angry because you cannot change your teen’s behavior, upset that you are not able to help your teen as much as you wish you could, frustrated because you have to much on your plate, or any other emotions, know that it is okay and there is nothing wrong with you for experiencing these feelings.
Relax
You cannot help your teen if your emotions are high. If you are feeling upset or angry, you need to take a moment to calm down before you try to speak with your teen about the situation they are facing or the feelings they are experiencing.
You can try to take a walk, calm down with a warm shower or bath, or practice a relaxing activity like yoga, meditation, or deep breathing. This will help you be better equipped to deal with stressful or overwhelming emotions so you can validate your teen’s emotions.
Find a common goal
When you and your teen are in the midst of an argument or frustration over their feelings or behaviors, it is important to remember that you both have the same goal. Ultimately, you both want to be on the same page: you both want to connect with one another, and you both want to love one another.
In addition to these truths, you might have other goals that you both want to accomplish. Whatever commonality you can find in the middle of your conflict can be a really powerful catalyst for moving toward change.
Remember validation does not mean agreement
Sometimes it can be hard to validate your teen, especially when you feel overwhelmed, because you do not agree with their actions or the behavior that may have led to the feelings they are experiencing.
It’s important to remember that validation is simply acknowledging what your teen is feeling and helping them know that their feelings are not wrong. Validating your teen does not mean that you have to agree with them or their behavior.
When you start with regulating your own emotions, you can help your teen regulate their emotions too, so they can have healthy relationships with those around them. The next time you start to struggle with burn out, make sure you keep these steps in mind.