As a parent, you can’t help but have hopes, dreams, and goals for your teen. When your teen was a child, you likely envisioned the incredible life they would have with you right by their side guiding them through to adulthood.
But as you’ve probably already experienced, plans do not always turn out the way we want or expect.
As your teen becomes more autonomous and leans on you less and less in life, it can be hard to come to terms with the fact that their life is not playing out the way you always dreamed it would.
Maybe you saw yourself having family dinners every night and game nights every week, but your teen is more interested in spending time alone or with their friends instead.
Maybe you thought you and your teen would be close, and that your teen would be willing to share everything with you, but lately all you are able to hear from them is “I’m fine” or “School was good.”
Maybe you hoped your teen would excel in school, sports, or an extracurricular activity, but they seem to lack motivation and drive.
Whether you find yourself facing one of these situations or a different situation where the visions you had for your teen’s life are not a reality, it can be hard to cope.
While it can be hard to surrender control or know that your teen’s life isn’t working out exactly the way you planned it, it’s important to acknowledge both your grief and your teen’s independence.
Although your teen is still alive and well, it does not mean that you aren’t grieving loss. Loss of what you dreamed your teen would accomplish. Loss of your tight knit relationship with your teen. Loss of the expectations you hoped your teen would meet.
Here are three ways to take care of yourself as you navigate this difficult transition:
1. Practice self-care
Anytime you experience loss or grief, it can be easy to neglect self-care. Set aside time for yourself each and every day so that you can help regulate your emotions, breathe, and reset.
Instead of being preoccupied with the worries and concerns you have for your teen, you can focus on yourself and your own needs during these moments of self-care.
Go for a walk or a bike ride in the fresh air, watch a movie that you have been dying to see, go to a spa or do an at-home spa day, or spend a few hours reading a book you enjoy. Whatever helps you feel at peace and more like yourself is fair game!
When you take time out for yourself, you are not being selfish. You are giving yourself the space and rejuvenation you need to be a better parent and person. Without self-care, your negative emotions can start to become overwhelming and overpowering. Take a few minutes to yourself each day, and you will quickly notice what a big difference it will make.
2. Find yourself
While your teen is becoming increasingly independent and making decisions on their own, it is the perfect opportunity for you to spend time investing in yourself.
Try taking up a new hobby or journaling each day to check in with yourself and your needs. Instead of focusing on the dreams you have for your teen, figure out the dreams you have for your own life.
It’s easy for parents to lose themselves while being completely immersed in their teen’s lives. Now is the time for you to rediscover the things that you enjoy and the person you want to be.
3. Share your feelings
Don’t bottle up your grief or keep your emotions hidden inside. When you are feeling loss, open up to a partner, a friend, or a therapist about what you are feeling. This will help you process what you are dealing with and prevent you from growing irritable or exploding out of anger or sadness.
When you share your feelings with others, it will lighten your emotional load and help you feel more equipped to handle the situations that you are experiencing with your teen.
It is hard to see that the visions that you have had for your teen ever since they were little are not going as planned, but you do not have to manage your feelings alone.
Regardless of how your teen’s life is turning out or the decisions that they are making on their own, it is important that you take some time out for self-care, find opportunities to grow and discover yourself, and open up about the emotions that you are feeling.