While “Nobody’s perfect!” is a quote that practically everyone would agree to be true, it is still difficult for many people to admit when they are less than perfect themselves.
As humans, we have a tendency to hide their imperfections and present the “best” versions of ourselves in an attempt to be loved, respected, and valued by others.
It’s why we frequently say, “I’m good!” or “I’m doing great!” when people ask how we’re doing. It’s why we often say, “I’m fine,” when someone asks if there is anything wrong. It’s why we only post our happiest moments and most impressive accomplishments on social media.
When’s the last time you’ve wanted to share a photo of your messy kitchen table, photos of divorce papers or a pink slip from work, or a video of your teen arguing with you on Facebook or Instagram? Probably never!
This is because many of us fear that we will mess up our relationships with others if we reveal our true selves.
If a friend asks how you’re doing, and you say, “I’m really having a hard time right now. Work is stressful and my teenager refuses to come home before curfew every night,” you might be judged and deemed “too much” or a “bad parent.”
It’s only natural to want to hide behind a mask instead.
However, when we mask our vulnerabilities in order to preserve our relationships, we often end up doing the opposite. When we cannot be our true selves, we are only able to make surface-level connections with others instead of cultivating deeper, more meaningful relationships.
The idea that our vulnerabilities make us unloveable is a myth. It’s like Brené Brown says, “Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn't change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging.” When we are able to share our weaknesses and imperfections with others, it allows us to see that we are worthy of love exactly as we are.
As the parent of a teenager, this message is especially important. Here are a few ways that embracing your imperfections can help you develop a stronger connection with your teen:
Leading by example
While they might not be as obvious as they were when they were a toddler, your teen watches everything you say and do.
When you are hard on yourself for being flawed or making mistakes, or you are always trying to act like you are perfect instead of being open about your imperfections, your teen will do the same.
By being vulnerable and embracing your imperfections, you will show your teen that it is okay for them to be less than perfect, which can help alleviate stress and allow them to be their authentic selves.
Improving your relatability
When you allow yourself to be vulnerable, it can lead to deeper, more meaningful conversations and connections with your teen.
If you are always seen as perfect in their eyes, they may have a hard time opening up to you when they make a mistake or when they are wrestling with difficult feelings.
Sharing your vulnerabilities lets your teen know that it is okay to share theirs. This doesn’t have to be a major revelation. Even sharing small and seemingly insignificant imperfections can make a huge difference.
Saying something as simple as, “Work was tough this week!” or “The last mile of my run was really hard today!” will help your teen feel more comfortable sharing when they have a hard time at school or at practice.
Everyone has imperfections. By allowing yourself to be open and honest about yours, it will help your teen feel like they can connect with you and talk to you about theirs.
Increasing your empathy
Your teen wants to know that you are there to support them and love them without judgment. If you are frequently judging yourself for your own imperfections, it will be harder for you to have empathy and patience for your teen and their imperfections.
Making mistakes is a part of life. When you are able to recognize and accept this truth for yourself, you will be better able to have empathy and positive regard for your teen when they make mistakes as well.
Showing empathy to your teen will help them learn to trust you on a deeper level, allowing you to have a stronger connection with your teen.
If you’re tired of having surface-level relationships with your friends and your family, take the risk and be vulnerable with the people in your life instead of hiding your imperfections. You might be surprised by how others will be able to relate and how you will be able to form deeper connections with those around you.