From time to time, we all experience that little voice in the back of our heads that whispers negativity into our brains.
I can’t believe you just said that, you’re so dumb.
Your teenager is in trouble again. You’ll never be a good parent.
Wow, another slice of cake. It’s no wonder no one likes you.
While it can be easy to give in to this inner critic and wallow in these negative thoughts, it is imperative that we learn to fight back.
If we don’t fight back, these negative thoughts can start to shape our perception of ourselves and of others.
We might start to think that no one wants to spend time with us or that everyone secretly hates us even though this is entirely untrue.
We might think that we are worthless and beyond loving, even though there are plenty of signs showing the opposite.
That’s why you cannot just stand still and take the punches when our inner critic throws lies and negativity your way. You have to fight this inner voice relentlessly so that you can avoid letting it take control of your life.
As difficult as it can be for you to do this as an adult, it can be even harder for your teen to recognize this inner critic and fight back. It’s important that you are not only able to fight your own inner critic, but that you are also taking steps to teach your teen how to fight theirs as well.
Here are some ways to help your teen fight back against these negative thoughts and judgments before they start to cause lasting damage:
Acknowledge these thoughts
All too often, teens are so used to listening to this negative voice in their heads that they don’t even realize all of the negative messages that they are receiving and believing each day.
Help your teen develop an awareness of these thoughts and teach them how to acknowledge these thoughts and release them without acting on them or taking them as truth.
Journaling and mindfulness meditation can be helpful tools for helping your teen learn to be aware of their inner critic.
Speak the truth
Oftentimes, your teen’s inner critic will tell them lies.
For instance, if your teen is all alone on a Friday night, that judgmental voice may tell them that their friends hate them, and that’s why no one is hanging out with them. Instead of wallowing in self-pity and allowing this negative thought to take control, ask your teen to consider the truth of their situation.
Are they really alone on Friday because everyone hates them, or is it because they didn’t ask anyone if they wanted to hang out? Are they really alone on Friday because they are unloveable, or are most of their friends taking the SAT bright and early the next morning?
By acknowledging the truth, your teen can reframe their situation and prevent lies from taking hold in their mind.
Share positive affirmations
While it might not always seem like it, your words are invaluable to your teenager. If you are constantly and consistently uplifting them and offering positive affirmations that help them feel valued, it will be difficult for their inner critic to persuade them otherwise.
The little voice that tries to tell them they are ugly or worthless or not worthy of love will be combated by all the times you’ve told them that you are proud of them, that they are beautiful, and that they have your heart.
Embrace a growth mindset
Sometimes there can be a hint of truth to the judgments your teen receives from their inner critic.
If they are failing math, for instance, they might start to think I’m so terrible at math. I’ll never get a good grade in this class. I’m not smart enough!
While it may be true that they can stand to improve their math skills, these thoughts are representative of a fixed mindset. Instead of recognizing that math is a weakness that they can improve with hard work, these thoughts will lead your teen to believe that they are not smart enough to be capable of growing in this area.
When your teen has negative thoughts that have some semblance of truth, encourage them to turn this criticism into an opportunity to grow by using a growth mindset.
Instead of thinking I’m just bad at math or I’m too dumb to earn a good grade in math, a growth mindset will encourage your teen to think I’m not understanding this math concept yet, but I know with more practice I will be able to figure it out!
By embracing a growth mindset, teens can turn their negative criticism into a positive one that encourages positive change.
While it is normal for our inner critic to throw a few punches our way every so often, we should always try our best to throw a few punches of our own right back.