A building is only as strong as its foundation. You don’t need to be a construction expert to know that if someone builds a house with shoddy materials or an unsettled foundation, they will experience issues with their home for years to come.
Buildings need to be constructed with care in order for them to stay safe during storms and natural disasters and serve their purpose year in and year out.
Likewise, if we want to thrive and fulfill our potential, we need to make sure our thought patterns are constructed with care.
When we build our narratives and fill our minds with negative thoughts, we will not be able to have the mental energy to sustain ourselves when we face hardships, and we won’t be able to achieve nearly as much as we are capable of accomplishing in life. We need to be on the lookout for negative thinking and focus on building a brain that will be able to sustain us during the good times and the bad times.
The best tool we have in our arsenal to make this happen is positive self-talk. Throughout history, there have been countless people who have been able to overcome immense hardships and obstacles through the power of positive thinking. From inspirational leaders like Oprah Winfrey and Martin Luther King Jr. to Olympians like Alexi Pappas and Aly Raisman, many people who have found great success have had to power through great obstacles.
Finding the strength to overcome challenges often starts with the mind.
If someone is constantly thinking negative thoughts about themselves or their ability to succeed, it has the same effect as if they were to try to build a house with poor quality materials. When adversity comes, their house will collapse.
On the other hand, if someone learns to reroute and reframe their negative thoughts into positive ones, they are building a metaphorical house that will be able to offer support during hardship.
This concept is important for everyone to keep in mind, especially teenagers. There have probably been at least a handful of times when you’ve heard your teen say things like, “I’ll never be able to learn this!” or “Nobody will ever like me!” or “I can’t do this. It’s impossible!”
Each of these negative statements is like laying a poorly constructed brick onto their mind’s foundation. Eventually, when they have to face a challenge that seems insurmountable, they will only have doubt, worry, fear, and negativity to look back on, and they will fall under the pressure.
However, when your teen is able to engage in positive self-talk, they will have a solid foundation to help build them up when they need it most.
When they face an obstacle that seems impossible, they’ll be able to say things like, “This seems difficult, but I’ve handled difficult things before, and I know I can do it again,” or “I didn’t understand this the first time, but I know I’m capable of learning new skills, so I’m going to try again.”
Not only will these statements help your teen push through hardships, but they will also continue to build their confidence and give them a foundation that they can rely on again in the future.
If you know your teen has trouble with managing their negative thought patterns, here are a few ways you can help:
Give them a journal
Find a journal or a notebook for your teen to write down the thoughts that they experience throughout the day. This will help them start to recognize negative thought patterns so that they can address them and reframe them.
From the time we are little, we often experience what are called ANTS or automatic negative thoughts. If we don’t pay attention to these thoughts, we might not even be able to tell when we are experiencing them.
Using a journal will help your teen learn to spot their ANTS so they can keep them from influencing their sense of self.
Model positive self-talk
When you make a mistake or go through a challenging situation of your own, make sure that you don’t give in to negative thought patterns. Show your teen the importance of positive self-talk by modeling this behavior in your home. Your teen will pick up on this and be more likely to adopt this attitude and way of thinking over time.
Encourage your teen
When your teen does exhibit negative thinking habits, offer encouragement and remind them of the truth.
For example, if your teen says, “I just ran a slow mile. I know I’ll never be able to make the cross country team,” you can help them see their poor race as an opportunity for growth and improvement and remind them that one bad race isn’t an indicator of their abilities.
When you can help your teen develop a mindset that will help carry them through rough times, it will make them far more resilient and confident throughout their lives.