What do you believe about what happens to us in life? Are we in total control of each outcome? Or do outside forces make us the way that we are? Only the internal vs. external locus of control debate can answer these questions.
In this article, we’ll examine each of these theories so you can better help your child wrestle with some of life’s biggest questions and understand their behavior.
Comparing The Internal Vs. External Locus Of Control
Life is what we make it…or is it? Psychologists have been examining this very question and how it relates to our motivations, depression, addiction, and learning capacity for years.
As a parent, this is especially important to consider as you seek to raise resilient teens who can take on anything that comes their way.
Let’s start by defining each of these viewpoints:
Internal Locus Of Control
The internal locus of control is a viewpoint that believes that we are in control of what happens to us. Our behaviors, actions, and emotional stability are all parts of how we interact with the world and positively or negatively impact society around us.
People who develop an internal locus of control believe that they are responsible for their own success. This is especially important when we start examining teenage behavior and why they do certain things.
For example, if your teen believes that they have a hand in their decisions and can control their trajectory in life, research shows that they are more likely to change their bad behavior. They are also less likely to be conformed to society or just go along with the crowd. This sense of independence can give them a healthy sense of self-worth.
The ultimate feeling that goes along with the internal locus belief is personal responsibility and how that affects others around them.
External Locus
The external locus philosophy is in stark contrast to the above examples and beliefs. Someone who holds the external locus ideology believes that external forces, like luck, determine their outcomes.
Studies have actually shown that people who believe these outside forces are in control of their destiny are actually more at risk for criminal and problematic behavior.
For example, if your teen doesn’t think they can actually change their behavior and do better and that everything just “is what it is,” they are more likely to make poor decisions consistently and not take effective action to change anything.
Navigating These Viewpoints
It’s one thing to understand the internal vs. external locus of control. It’s another to be there for your teen who is experiencing big emotions.
Chances are your child won’t know which end of the spectrum they land on. However, you as their parent may have a pretty good indication of their views on the world and how they view what happens to them.
Understand that the teenage years are filled with moments that feel out of your child’s control. Puberty, relationships, anxiety, etc. can all send a teenager into a spiral because they haven’t learned how to regulate their emotions fully yet.
Take note of what they say, how they act when something big happens, and whether they have a sense of personal responsibility or a “whatever” attitude.
What you tend to see are two reactions to feeling out of control:
1. Verbal anxiety
2. Power struggles
So, what can you do to help? Here are a few ways to help your child out.
1) Work On Mindset
Mindset is half the battle when you’re trying to cultivate a better internal locus of control. By helping your child understand that their actions have consequences, you can help them identify that changing their behavior may lead to a more positive outcome.
This doesn’t mean punishing your child for everything they do wrong. It means having an open conversation about positive and negative outcomes and how actions contributed to them.
2) Empower Them
When things feel heavy and out of their control, teens can get overwhelmed and frozen in fear.
If your child is experiencing anxiety, talk through the things that are in their control together. For example, if homework feels stressful, ask them if there’s a better location they want to do their work. Let them decide and feel empowered by that decision.
It could be any little thing in their life, but allowing them to feel like they have a say in parts of their life when so much feels uncertain and overwhelming can help them calm down and start to identify what they really can and cannot impact.
While each teen is different and will react to stressors differently, having calm conversations around mindset and positive choices can help them start to regulate their emotions.
Moving Forward With Your Viewpoint
Helping your child improve their internal locus of control can bring some much-needed peace to their minds as well as your household.
It may not be easy, but helping your teen understand that their actions have consequences and they can make better decisions is a step toward alleviating any anxiety or frustration they may have toward their current life stage.