One of the many superpowers that parents have is the ability to know what their children need before the child even has to ask.
Even when your child was an infant, you were probably able to tell when they needed a diaper change, when they were hungry, or when they weren’t feeling well with a single glance.
While this is a useful strength, it is important for parents to recognize that it can also be a weakness. When parents are always able and willing to swoop in and take care of situations for their children, it can keep them from advocating for themselves.
It might seem helpful for you to email your teen’s teachers whenever they have a question about the homework, talk to your teen’s boss when they are working too many hours, set up playdates for your preteen, or speak for your child at the doctor’s office, but it can actually cause more harm than good.
As sad as it might be, your teen won’t always have you around to advocate for them. They will need to have the skills to recognize and push for their needs in these moments.
Empowering your teen to advocate for themselves in academic, medical, social, and employment settings is beneficial for many reasons:
Self-advocacy increases confidence. When teens are able to successfully communicate their needs, they will become more confident speaking up about their needs in the future. Instead of being afraid to speak up when they are unhappy in a relationship or having trouble at work in the future, they will be bold enough to voice their concerns.
Self-advocacy builds independence. If you are always ordering your teen’s meals at restaurants or otherwise handling situations for your teen, they will not know what to do when they face these situations on their own. By encouraging self-advocacy at a young age, you will help your teen become more independent so that they can make choices and solve problems on their own when they get older.
Self-advocacy improves self-awareness. Self-advocacy requires three steps: recognizing needs, understanding what type of support can address those needs, and communicating these needs to others. By allowing your teen to advocate for themselves at a young age, they will start to become more aware of what they might need in order to be successful on the job, within their relationships, and in the classroom.
Helping your teen learn to advocate for themselves may seem like it will be challenging, but it can be easier than you might think. Here are a few steps you can take to help:
Talk about self-advocacy
You can help your teen take steps toward self-advocacy by letting them know what it means to acknowledge their needs, the support that can help them with these needs, and the importance of sharing these needs with others. When they understand the benefits of self-advocacy, it will increase the likelihood that they will start practicing this skill.
Have an open conversation with your teen where you explain this skill, why it is beneficial, and ways for them to incorporate it into their lives.
Celebrate small successes
Did your teen speak up in class when they needed help? Did your teen tell a friend or significant other that they needed space or more boundaries? Did your teen communicate with wait staff when they were missing part of their food order?
Celebrate these small steps toward self-advocacy to help your teen boost their confidence and continue to advocate for themselves in the future.
Give them SPACE
It will be hard for your teen to learn to advocate for themselves if you are always stepping in to handle problems for them. If you have trouble letting go and allowing your teen to stand up for themselves and communicate their needs, SPACE can help.
SPACE, or Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions, is a research-backed treatment program for parents of teens with anxiety and obsessive-compulsive disorders. This program helps parents learn to make shifts in their own behavior so that they stop accommodating their teen’s anxious behaviors and learn how to give their teens the space necessary for them to become more independent.
You can still be a super parent without swooping in like a superhero the second you sense a problem in your teen’s life. By giving them space and room to self-advocate, you will be doing them a major favor later on in life.