Growing up, all people have an idea of what their life will be like when they get older. Your teen has probably spent years envisioning what high school and college would be like: making the honor roll, going to prom, having fun making memories with friends, playing sports, and all of the other experiences that they’ve seen on television or heard about from older friends and siblings.
That’s why it can be especially soul-crushing for them when health issues cause their life to look differently than planned.
They never expected that they wouldn’t be able to fully enjoy themselves in high school because their severe migraines prevent them from attending social events.
They didn’t plan on their experiences with Type 1 Diabetes to cause them to experience anxiety and fear about their health and eating habits.
They had no idea that their experience with Postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome (POTS) would limit their ability to play sports or engage in other strenuous activities.
Being diagnosed with a chronic illness, like POTS, Ehlers-Danlos syndrome (EDS), chronic fatigue syndrome, Type 1 Diabetes, cystic fibrosis, migraines, or other health issues, can take a toll on your teen’s physical, mental, academic, and social life. It’s only natural for your teen to grieve the life they had imagined for themselves.
You may notice that your teen becomes sad or depressed, anxious and fearful, or angry and bitter after their diagnosis. These are normal feelings for your teen to experience as they begin to realize how chronic illness will impact their life.
However, these feelings do not have to last forever. It can be beneficial for you to help your teen learn to accept their reality and build resiliency so that they don’t have to allow grief to get in the way of living life to the fullest.
If your teen is experiencing grief after being diagnosed with a chronic illness, here are a few ways you can offer support:
Acknowledge their feelings
All too often parents feel like the best way to help their teens tackle and move past uncomfortable emotions is to ignore these feelings altogether.
When their teen feels sad, they immediately try to offer them extra privileges or a gift to make them feel better. When their teens want to talk, they try to propose a solution instead of just listening. When their teen feels angry or upset, they try to get them to look at the bright side of the situation.
While there is nothing wrong with trying to cheer up your teen, if they feel like they have to hide or bottle up their feelings, it will make them feel more alone and less comfortable sharing with you
As painful as it may be, take the time to acknowledge and validate your teen’s grief. By allowing them to share how they are feeling without judgment, you will give them the validation and support they need to cope with their big emotions.
Promote self-awareness
Sometimes the emotions that come with an unfavorable diagnosis can be so overwhelming that your teen isn’t fully able to understand what they are feeling.
To help them learn to acknowledge and manage their feelings, give them tools they can use to improve their self-awareness.
For instance, you can buy your teen a journal so that they can reflect on their feelings each day. As they write without judging the thoughts and feelings that come their way, it will help them see how their diagnosis is influencing their well-being.
You can also encourage them to partake in mindfulness activities like meditation that will help recognize and process their emotions. This will help them become more aware of their emotions and their needs so that they can communicate these needs with others.
Encourage acceptance
There are many aspects of life that your teen has total control over, but their chronic illness is not one of them.
While this is a tough pill for your teen to swallow, it’s important for you to teach them about radical acceptance. Although their life isn’t working out exactly the way they always hoped and dreamed it would, they don’t want to rob themselves of joy in life by wallowing in grief or trying to fix an unfixable health issue.
Help your teen to understand that while life doesn’t always go as planned, it is still worth living, and that by accepting their reality as it is, they can keep themselves from prolonged suffering and grief.