Every feeling we experience, good or bad, pushes us to respond in a way that can feel almost automatic.
This can be great when we are excited about a friend’s promotion and give them a cheerful hug or high five or when we are feeling confident and our body language and words help us nail an interview.
However, it can be detrimental if we get stuck in an emotion that is no longer serving us. If we scream at someone when we are angry, or we avoid attending events because we are anxious, our lives will be more difficult.
Fighting against these action urges can prove especially difficult for teens, who often experience intense emotions and tend to have a harder time regulating these feelings.
If your teen has trouble keeping themselves from acting on their feelings, learning the Opposition Action Skill can help.
What is the Opposition Action Skill?
The Opposition Action Skill is a technique that teens can use to behave in the opposite way of their negative action urges.
For instance, if your teen feels anger and immediately wants to insult their younger sibling, they can instead choose to give their sibling a compliment instead.
If your teen is feeling shame or self-conscious about themselves, instead of holding their head down, they can walk with their head lifted high and try to make eye contact with others.
Whether it’s shame, fear, anger, or other emotions, teens experience many feelings that encourage negative reactions that are not helpful in their daily lives.
By engaging in actions that reflect the opposite of what they are feeling, teens will be able to cope with their negative feelings and prevent these feelings from taking control of their lives.
The Opposition Action Skill helps them push through their negative feelings without engaging in negative behaviors.
Using the Opposition Action Skill
You can help your teen start using the Opposition Action Skill by helping them become more aware of their emotions and teaching them some opposite actions they can do when they are feeling negative emotions.
Improve self-awareness
Before teens can really master the Opposition Action Skill, they need to be aware of their emotions and how these emotions affect their behaviors.
When your teen engages in a negative or unpleasant behavior, encourage them to journal about the thoughts that preceded this behavior.
You could also encourage your teen to engage in mindfulness meditation and other reflective activities that will help them identify their emotions.
When your teen is able to recognize the negative emotions they are experiencing, they will be better prepared to fight against the unhelpful actions and urges that tend to go with these emotions.
Provide examples
It can be hard for teens to think of opposite actions in the moment, especially before the Opposition Action Skill becomes a habit.
Provide your teen with some examples that they can use in the heat of the moment if necessary.
If your teen is feeling afraid or anxious, and they aren’t in a situation that warrants these feelings, they can try:
Striking up a conversation with someone rather than using their phone as a distraction at a party
Raising their hand to ask their teacher a question instead of allowing themselves to stay confused
Walking at a normal pace instead of running out to their car
Telling themselves they are going to do well on a quiz rather than skipping a class on quiz day
If your teen is feeling angry, they can try:
Saying something kind instead of yelling an insult
Taking a deep breath and counting to ten instead of fighting or otherwise acting impulsively
Walking away instead of walking up to someone and yelling at them
Doing something constructive with their hands, like making an art project, instead of hitting someone
If your teen is feeling sad, they can try:
Telling a trusted friend or family member about their feelings instead of bottling them up and isolating themselves
Listening to upbeat, positive music instead of dwelling on their feelings of sadness
Saying something positive about themselves despite how they are feeling instead of engaging in negative self-talk
Making a list of things they are grateful for instead of thinking about everything that is making them sad
By providing examples of positive actions your teen can take using the Opposition Action Skill, you will allow them to behave appropriately even when they are experiencing negative emotions and urges.