The importance of affirming your teen

While it may be true that words from your teen’s peers tend to hold more weight than the words you share with them, your affirmation is crucial for their wellbeing.

As much as they may hate to admit it, teens often long for acceptance and approval from others.

As they explore their identities, navigate their fears, and wrestle with self-doubt, your words can be exactly what they need to feel safe and loved. 

What is affirmation?

Simply put, affirmation is encouragement or support. 

When you affirm your teen, you are saying and doing things that show them that you value and accept them just the way they are and that you are there to offer them support and unconditional positive regard.

This could mean telling your teen that you are proud of them, letting them know you trust and believe in them, and respecting their identity.

Even if you don’t always understand your teen or the choices they make, it is important for them to know that you are in their corner and that they have your unwavering support.

Why you should affirm your teen

Affirming your teen is one of the most important actions you can take as a parent.

Here are a few reasons why you should be sure to affirm your teen:

Mental-wellness

When your teen feels like you don’t accept them, it can lower their self-confidence and increase feelings of shame. When your teen experiences shame, it makes them feel like something is inherently wrong with them, which can lead to a host of mental health symptoms and issues like depression, suicidal ideation, and self-harm.

Letting your teen know that they are loved as they are will help improve their sense of self-worth and help mitigate their negative self-talk.

Deeper connection

When your teen knows that they have your love and support, they will be more likely to trust you and come to you when they need help. 

If you are able to consistently communicate and show your affirmation, you will show your teen that your relationship is one worth valuing and nurturing, which will foster a deeper connection between the two of you.

Preparation for real-world experiences

While it might seem like affirming your teen is setting them up for heartbreak when they head into the real world, this isn’t the case.

Affirming your teen helps them build the self-confidence they need to feel good even when they are in the midst of challenging situations and relationships.

Your teen won’t be as rattled if someone makes a negative comment about their identity because they know that you see them, know them, and accept them without conditions. They won’t feel like a failure if they make a mistake because they know that their worth comes from more than their actions and accomplishments.

Because being supportive and affirming of your teen’s identity will make a significant impact in their life, it is critical that you make affirmation a priority.

Tips for affirming your teen

If you want to improve your ability to affirm your teen, consider trying the following tips:

Avoid being critical

While you may feel like you’re giving your teen constructive criticism, it can be detrimental to your teen’s wellbeing if they feel like they are constantly being criticized or put down.

The next time you want to make a comment about what your teen is wearing, how they are styling their hair, or any other aspect of their physical appearance- stop and ask yourself if your comment will be necessary or helpful.

While there may be times when you do need to say things to your teen, there are some critical comments that you’ll find are better left unsaid.

Listen without judgment

When your teen shares with you, listen without judgment. Don’t feel like you always have to share your opinion, especially if it is unsolicited. When you validate your teen’s emotions, experiences, and identity, you will create a safe space for them to express themselves and communicate their feelings.

Pay attention to the positive

Parents tend to be quick to speak up when they have something negative to say, but they may let positive comments go unspoken.

Try to be on the lookout for positive things to say about your teen. When your teen knows that you are always making positive and affirming comments, they will feel more self-confident, and they will be more likely to accept any constructive criticism you have to say in the future, too. 

With practice, affirming your teen will come naturally to you, and you will start to notice a significant difference in their mental health, confidence levels, and overall well-being.