Intrusive Thoughts: What they are and how to help

Intrusive thoughts are unwanted and unexpected thoughts and images that pop into our heads without warning. These thoughts can come out of nowhere, or they can stem from other factors like high levels of stress, hormonal changes, or exposure to various triggers.

People may experience intrusive thoughts that are painful memories of the past, committing harmful, violent, or illegal actions, or fears about situations that may be unlikely to happen.

A new mother, for instance, may have a sudden, involuntary thought about accidentally or intentionally dropping their child. Someone with anxiety may have an intrusive thought while they are running errands about their stove being on at home.

While nearly everyone experiences intrusive thoughts from time to time, some experience them more than others. 

Because these thoughts are often negative or taboo, they can be emotionally painful or distressing to endure and incredibly difficult for people, especially teenagers, to talk about with others.

As a parent, you can help your teen better navigate their intrusive thoughts by learning how these thoughts affect teenagers and sharing coping strategies.

How intrusive thoughts affect teenagers

Teenagers can have an especially difficult time managing intrusive thoughts because they often produce complicated feelings that are hard for teens to share.

Intrusive thoughts often affect teenagers by leading to shame, fear, anxiety, and poor impulse control.

Shame

Many teens who experience intrusive thoughts also experience shame. They often do not realize that these thoughts are involuntary, so they believe that there is something wrong with them for thinking negative or harmful thoughts.

A teen who has an intrusive thought about hurting someone else or committing a taboo sexual act may think that they are a violent or deviant person, even if this is the furthest thing from the truth.

This can cause feelings of shame that lower their self-esteem, encourage them to isolate, and negatively impact their relationships with others.

Fear

Intrusive thoughts can also cause teenagers to feel afraid. They might feel scared that something is wrong with them because they have a reoccuring intrusive thought. They may also be afraid that these thoughts won’t ever stop.

When teens experience thoughts and feelings they don’t understand, it can be a scary experience.

Sometimes teens see their intrusive thoughts as premonitions, which can cause them to be fearful. If they have an intrusive thought about them getting into a car accident, for instance, they may be afraid to drive out of fear that this thought will come true.

Anxiety

Teens who experience intrusive thoughts may also experience higher levels of anxiety.

If your teen is constantly worrying that they left their curling iron plugged in or that everyone is laughing at them behind their back or that they forgot to lock the front door before heading to school, they will be anxious and on edge all day.

They may also engage in certain compulsive behaviors to try to reduce these thoughts, like checking the locks multiple times before heading to school, which can disrupt their daily lives.

Poor impulse control

When your teen has several thoughts about a single action throughout the day, they may be more likely to give into their impulses and complete this action, even if it is harmful.

If your teen is constantly thinking about self-harming, they may find it difficult to resist the urge to act on this thought.

Thoughts can easily influence actions if teens are not careful, which makes intrusive thoughts lead to poor impulse control for many teens.

Helping your teen navigate intrusive thoughts

Now that you know how intrusive thoughts can impact your teen, it is important for you to learn ways to help your teen cope with these thoughts in a healthy way.

Here are a few tips for helping your teen navigate their intrusive thoughts:

Teach your teen about intrusive thoughts

The first step to combating intrusive thoughts is to recognize that these thoughts exist. Teach your teen about intrusive thoughts so that they know what they’re up against and are better able to implement strategies to manage these thoughts.

Remind your teen that thoughts are not facts

Our brains generate thousands and thousands of thoughts each and every day. Thoughts are just thoughts. They aren’t premonitions, they aren’t facts, and they aren’t instructions that must be followed.

Just because they have a thought about assaulting someone or jumping off of a high building does not mean that they are a violent person or suicidal. 

Make sure your teen knows that, while these thoughts might be scary, they are nothing to be ashamed about and are not an indicator of your teen’s actual feelings or beliefs.

Encourage mindfulness practices

It can be natural for teenagers to want to dwell on their intrusive thoughts. Encourage mindfulness practices, like meditation, that will help teens learn to recognize a thought, acknowledge it, and let it go rather than holding on to it all day.

Create a safe space for your teen to share their thoughts

Foster an environment where your teen feels safe sharing any intrusive thoughts with you if they choose to do so.

Your teen should know that they can share any thoughts they are experiencing without fear of judgment or disappointment. 

This way, instead of trying to cope with these thoughts on their own, they can reach out to you for support and guidance.