Grief is a complicated emotion that everyone will experience at some point in their lives. While it can be comforting and reassuring to know that this feeling is a universal experience, it does not make grief feel any less painful or isolating.
People experience grief differently, and there is no magical cure or solution to help people who have to face this inevitable life experience.
It can be especially difficult for teenagers who experience grief and loss to manage these big emotions and find healthy ways to cope with their feelings.
Teens can face grief and loss for a variety of reasons:
Death of family members, friends, or classmates
Death of a pet
Loss of opportunities due to situations like college rejection letters or mental health issues
Loss of friendships due to moving to a different city or state
Regardless of what causes them to feel grief, when they face this emotion, they need support, love, and guidance.
Supporting your teen through feelings of grief
While you cannot completely alleviate your teen's feelings of grief, there are ways for you to help support them as they navigate this challenging experience:
Learn about grief
Some people have many misconceptions about grief. They believe that all losses are the same or that everyone grieves in the same way or that grief only lasts for a few weeks or months. This couldn’t be further from the truth.
Grief is a normal reaction to loss and death, there is no specific “right” way to grieve, and grief is ongoing and can last for years.
When you are able to recognize and combat these misconceptions about grief, it will go a long way toward helping you understand what your teen may be going through.
Teach your teen about grief
Sometimes teens also buy into the many misconceptions surrounding grief.
They might feel like they are abnormal because they are still sad about a loss several months later. They might feel like something is wrong with them because they are not crying inconsolably at a funeral or because they are crying inconsolably seemingly out of the blue when they recall a memory of a loved one they have lost.
Letting your teen know that all of these experiences are natural and okay can provide a huge sense of comfort and relief to your teen who is struggling to navigate these feelings.
Understand that you may not understand
Remember, everyone does not experience grief in the same ways. This means that your teen may have some feelings surrounding grief that you might not necessarily relate to or understand.
This is okay!
Make sure that you acknowledge and validate their feelings, even if you don’t fully understand these feelings, and that you create a space where they feel comfortable to experience their grief.
Maybe your teen is incredibly irritable or prone to outbursts after experiencing a loss. Maybe they act withdrawn and don’t want to talk. Maybe they spend a lot of time crying.
If this happens, don’t take this personally. Let them know that you are there for them and willing to listen and offer support.
Avoid minimalizing their feelings
In an attempt to comfort your teen, you may feel tempted to use platitudes like “everything happens for a reason,” or “they’re in a better place now,” when your teen talks to you about feeling sad, angry, or afraid.
While you may intend these statements to be helpful, they can feel dismissive to teenagers and minimalize their feelings.
Make sure to validate their feelings so that they feel heard and understood.
Be available
Make yourself available for your teen and make sure you give them your undivided attention if they want to talk.
Your teen will likely have big questions about life and death, especially if it is their first experience with death. They will also be wrestling with complicated emotions that they may not have ever had before.
Let your teen know that you are able and available to talk to them without judgment whenever they would like.
Be patient
Navigating grief is not always linear. There are times when your teen will seem to be making progress toward coping with their grief only to seemingly move backward and regress into strong emotions again.
When this happens, it is important that you remember that this is normal and that you cannot rush this process for your teen.