Acceptance can be a difficult concept for everyone, but it particularly can be challenging for our teens. They experience tons of peer pressure as they try to navigate who they are during this exploration phase of their life. Social comparisons happen as teens measure up their peer’s experiences to their own situation.
Our teens may feel stuck and “in a rut” when they are in a situation they cannot change.
They may ultimately feel:
Frustrated
Defeated
Rigid
Hopeless
This can be described as willfulness. Willfulness happens when our teens refuse to accept or tolerate a situation they cannot change.
Think: your teen fails the driving test they have been practicing for. They may throw a tantrum because of the disappointment they feel in the moment. However, as a parent, you know there is nothing that can be done to change the situation until your teen can retake the test in the future.
This is where the acceptance based skill “willingness” comes into play. Willingness can be described as accepting the situation for what it is in order to just do what is needed in the moment.
Willingness allows for teens to tap into their Wise Mind (see blog post http://creativehealingphilly.com/blog/wise-mind to learn more about using the wise mind skill) to help skillfully choose a course of action.
But how do we help our teens transition from willfulness to willingness? Test out these 3 steps next time your teen is in a situation that they cannot control:
Observe the willfulness. Just put a name to it, label it and be aware that resistance to change is present. Oftentimes, our teens are not even aware and they spend so much of their time trying to fix or change a situation, which can be exhausting. Sometimes naming it in the moment, can help reduce efforts of trying to make change.
Radically accept the situation, even if you don’t like it. Accept that a situation has occurred, cannot be changed and accept it for what it is. This can happen with repetition and modeling acceptance for our teen.
Turn the mind to willingness by mindfully breathing, standing or sitting in a willingness posture (i.e. hands opened and relaxed) and or gently smiling by changing facial expressions.
Next time your teen feels defeated or feels like nothing will ever change, try using a willingness to help move away from resistance and move towards acceptance.