While it can be extremely frustrating when your teen has a tendency to procrastinate, it’s important to know that procrastination is not just a symptom of laziness.
Procrastination can come in many different forms. While some people procrastinate by putting off what they need to get done in favor of binge watching a tv show or taking a nap, this is not always the case.
Have you ever noticed that when your teen has a big project due or an important task they need to accomplish, they suddenly want to organize their room or ask if you need any help around the house? Maybe when you ask your teen to do a tedious chore, they start working on a homework assignment for school, first.
While your teen is still procrastinating, they are also getting work done- just not the work that should be their number one priority.
This is because, contrary to popular belief, procrastination and laziness are not one in the same. Procrastination is a form of emotional regulation that has less to do with self-control and more to do with avoiding the negative feelings associated with a particular task.
Take homework for example. If your teen puts off their math homework until the last minute or they seem to do everything in their power to avoid getting started on their math problems, it is likely a sign that they are struggling with the subject. Rather than starting on their homework and facing negative thoughts and feelings like I’m terrible at math or I will never get this right or I’m so stupid that I can’t even get these easy problems right, it is easier for them to work on assignments for other classes or do work around the house instead.
When your teen procrastinates, it is often because they are trying to avoid feelings of anxiety, fear, insecurity, or doubt.
Do they feel like their writing skills are inadequate? They might procrastinate when writing a paper.
Do they feel like people will judge them for the way they speak? They might put off writing a speech for class.
Do they feel self-conscious about their body? They might push prom dress shopping until the very last minute.
Instead of trying to increase your teen’s motivation or getting upset with them for being lazy, you can help your teen stop procrastinating by helping them with emotional regulation.
Here are a few ways to help:
Encourage self-awareness
When your teen procrastinates, there is a good chance that they do not know which feelings they are trying to avoid or that they are trying to avoid negative feelings in the first place! This can support the idea that they are just lazy, which can cause them to feel self-loathing and shame.
Teens are typically aware that they are procrastinating, which means that they can be hard on themselves for putting off their important tasks. Helping your teen realize that procrastination is a sign of emotion regulation and teaching them how to recognize these emotions will help them start confronting these feelings head on.
The next time your teen starts to procrastinate, ask them to write down the task that they are avoiding. Underneath this task, have them write down any feelings, doubts, or fears that come to mind when they think of that task.
This will help them start to recognize the feelings behind their procrastination, which can be one of the first steps toward helping them put an end to it.
Make procrastination a challenge
When you make procrastination a challenge, it can help your teen stay focused on the task ahead. You can do this by making the work they need to get done more appealing than whatever methods they typically use for procrastination.
For instance, if your teen tends to browse social media when they are procrastinating, encourage them to turn off notifications and alerts on their phone so that this is less tempting. If your teen always asks for chores they can do so that they don’t have to start on their school work, make sure you offer some options that will be more work than usual.
Be patient
Anytime you are tempted to get upset with your teen for procrastinating, take a deep breath and remember that procrastination is a lot more complicated than laziness. The root of your teen’s procrastination will not reveal itself or resolve itself overnight. It will take time. In the meantime, it’s important for you to be patient and offer your teen support as they continue to make progress.
The next time you notice your teen procrastinating on a task or activity, try to lend an ear and a helping hand instead of judgment.
