Do you ever have moments where you feel like everything you say or do to your teen ends up in an argument?
Has your teen ever complained that you are always criticizing them or that you won’t get off their back?
When you spend a lot of time with someone, you are bound to disagree or have times when you don’t get along. This is especially true with parent-teen relationships, where parents have to reinforce rules and expectations and teens are trying to be more independent.
While you and your teen do more than argue, when you don’t carve out time to create positive experiences and memories with your teen, your negative interactions might seem overpowering. It’s important for you to spend time sharing positive activities together so that when you communicate with them, everything is not always a criticism, rule, or argument.
For instance, if the two of you take up a strenuous physical activity like rock climbing or running, you will start to have more interaction where you are offering one another support, validation, and encouragement. If you start watching a light-hearted sitcom together, you will have more interactions where you are laughing, joking, and enjoying each other’s company.
These activities don’t have to cost a lot of money (or any money at all), but they will quickly become an invaluable part of your connection with your teen.
Here are a few suggestions of shared activities that you should consider:
Host a family game night. Not only will a game night bring the whole family closer together, but allowing your teen to work with you to come up with the agenda, games, and snacks, will allow the two of you to bond.
Binge-watch tv. Find a show that the two of you both enjoy and set aside time to binge-watch a couple of episodes each week. Both you and your teen will start to look forward to spending this time together.
Try new restaurants. Set aside time each week or each month to go out to eat at a restaurant that the two of you have never been to before. You’ll get to experience more of your community, and create new memories with your teen.
Read a book together. Think of it as a book club for two! Pick a book for you to read separately (or together by setting aside time for a reading day), and then come together to discuss the book. You’ll likely find some common ground as you discuss your favorite characters, plot points, and moments from the book.
Cook together. Set aside one day of the week for you and your teen to cook dinner or bake a dessert together. This will require cooperation and teamwork, which will help the two of you draw closer together. Plus, you’ll have delicious food to enjoy!
Take a class. Is there something that you and your teen have always been interested in learning? Maybe you both want to take up ASL or learn how to make simple car repairs. Maybe you both want to learn how to cook better. Taking a class together will help you learn a new skill, and it will give you plenty to talk about with your teen.
Volunteer together. Whether it’s for school, an outside organization, or out of the goodness of their heart, chances are your teen spends some time volunteering each week or each month. Show them that you support their efforts and want to be a part of the good they are doing for their community by signing up to volunteer with them. This will allow you to build a positive relationship with your teen and help others at the same time!
Go to a sporting event. Whether you want to buy season tickets for a professional sports team or just catch a game or two at your local college or university, attending sporting events with your teen is a good way to bond and create positive memories. High-fiving one another when your team scores or sharing disappointment in a loss will help you and your teen grow closer to one another.
These are just a few ideas for ways you can spend time with your teen without worrying about starting an argument or needing to say anything negative. When you make positive shared activities a priority, your teen will have good moments to balance out the more challenging moments, so they won’t associate their relationship with you with negative feelings and experiences.