While countless teenagers struggle to cope with the unbearable hardship of losing a sibling each year, this type of grief is not often talked about in society.
Oftentimes, when a teenager passes away, the focus is placed on the parents who have to grieve the loss of their child. Although parents most certainly need support, comfort, and love after losing a child, it is important to remember that siblings need the same care during this time.
Losing a sibling can be exceptionally difficult for teenagers for many reasons:
Teens are still young and typically aren’t accustomed to experiencing loss, especially from someone around their own age.
Teens not only have to grieve the loss of their sibling but also the premature loss of the future plans and dreams they had with their sibling like being a part of their sibling’s wedding party, becoming an aunt or uncle, rooming together in college, going on trips together, spending holidays with one another.
Teens may feel neglected as their parents deal with the pain of losing a child.
Teens may feel guilty if they were not able to reconcile or build an ideal relationship with their sibling.
Teens have to return to school where they will be faced with questions, comments, and other interactions from hundreds or thousands of students who knew their sibling.
Teens who lose a sibling lose one of the few people who have fully known them since early childhood or even birth.
Teens have to cope with shifting family dynamics as a result of the loss.
When teens have to experience this deep loss, it can cause them to feel depressed, anxious, angry, afraid, bitter, or even remorseful. Fortunately, with the right tools and resources, your teen will be able to deal with the big emotions surrounding their loss in a healthy manner.
If your teen has to navigate grieving the loss of a sibling, there are steps you can take to make this process a bit easier:
Remember your teen is grieving
While you are certainly experiencing a great deal of pain yourself, it is crucial for you to remember that your teen is grieving, too. Your teen will need more support and care than ever during this time, and it is critical that they do not feel like you are neglecting their needs or ignoring their fears and concerns while they are grieving.
Take time each day to check in with your teen so they know they have your support and that they can come to you with any emotions they may be feeling.
Help your teen remember their sibling
In an effort to try and alleviate the pain teens experience when they lose a sibling, many people try to avoid mentioning or thinking about the sibling at all.
While it might seem helpful to try and carry on after your loss by pushing away memories and physical reminders of this sibling, this can be detrimental to your teen’s healing process.
Instead, try helping your teen find ways to remember their sibling. Did their sibling have a favorite movie that they quoted all of the time? Have a family movie night where you watch that movie and share positive memories about that sibling. Did their sibling love to celebrate birthdays? Do something special on their birthday to allow your teen to join in on this tradition.
When your teen is encouraged to look through old photos, watch old videos, and recall old memories of their sibling, it will prevent them from feeling like they are forgetting about their sibling as time goes on.
Teach self-forgiveness
Siblings fight. It’s just a fact of life. While most people recognize that sibling relationships can be tumultuous at times, this idea can get lost when teens lose their siblings. Your teen may be feeling guilt or shame because they spent time arguing and fighting with their sibling, which can make grieving their sibling all the more difficult.
If this is the case for your teen, show them the importance of forgiving themselves. Remind them that even though they may have said or done something they wish they hadn’t or neglected to say or do something that they should have, it does not mean that they loved their sibling any less.
Encourage your teen to attend grief therapy
The feelings that arise when a teen loses a sibling can be immense and hard to overcome.
If your teen has big emotions that are starting to impact their daily lives, encourage them to attend grief therapy so that they can take care of their mental health and learn strategies to manage their emotions.
In time, they will be able to have healthy coping strategies that will allow them to navigate their grief.