It can be nerve-wracking to send your teen to therapy week after week without having any insight into what they are discussing or sharing during their sessions.
While it might feel like the therapeutic process is too secretive or like you are not able to get the information you need to help your teen, it is important for you to remember that your teen’s therapist is the expert, and that confidentiality is key to effective treatment.
Your teen needs to know therapy is a safe, private, and confidential space for a few key reasons:
Growth requires complete honesty
Your teen’s therapist cannot help if they don’t know what is going on with your teen. When your teen feels like everything they say in therapy will be shared with you afterwards, they will be hesitant to share information that they fear will get them into trouble or cause you to feel disappointed.
For example, if your teen has made a lot of progress but has recently started engaging in self-harm behaviors again, they may not want you to know. However, if they keep this information from their therapist, it can prevent them from getting the help they need to find healthier coping strategies and make progress again.
Your teen cannot grow if they are not able to be completely honest with their therapist. By allowing your teen to have this private space, you will give them the permission to be fully honest and open with their therapist so they can receive the support they need.
Confidentiality improves the parent-child relationship
While you may be worried that your relationship with your teen will grow worse if they are keeping “secrets” from you about what they discuss in therapy, the truth is the exact opposite.
When teens are able to be completely honest with their therapist knowing that what they say will be kept confidential, their therapist will be able to give them the tools and strategies they need to improve every aspect of their lives, including their relationships with others.
As your teen works through the therapeutic process, you will start to notice that their relationship with you and with others will grow stronger.
A major goal of dialectical behavior therapy is to help clients improve and maintain healthy relationships with the people in their lives. This includes you! When your teen is able to make progress in therapy, they will start to make progress in their relationship with you.
Treatment is only effective when teens choose to participate
Teens won’t cooperate with a therapist that they don’t trust, and they won’t want to fully participate in therapy if they know what they are saying, writing, or drawing will be shared with their parents.
When your teen feels like they cannot trust their therapist, it will be difficult for their therapist to get them to share more than a few words about how they are doing let alone their deepest most personal feelings and conflicts. If your teen’s therapist suggests a journaling activity, your teen will not be eager to participate and give this activity a try if they know that you will be reading their journal entries later.
If you want your teen’s therapy sessions to be effective, it is vital that you allow them to have a safe, confidential space when working with their therapist.
Here are a few ways you can connect with your teen while making sure to keep clear boundaries regarding what they discuss in therapy:
Allow your teen’s therapist to determine goals for your teen, even if they don’t completely align with your wishes. While you might see issues that you think are problematic, like homework completion or breaking curfew, your teen’s therapist knows what is most important and how to address the most serious issues in your teen’s life.
Foster connection and communication with your teen by asking deeper questions. Your teen isn’t shutting you out by not discussing what they mention in therapy. If you are willing to ask deeper questions, you will find that even though they don’t share what is discussed in therapy, they can still be open to connecting with you on a deeper level.
Try a parent-based treatment program like Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions (SPACE) to learn appropriate boundaries and ways to support your teen. This way, you will know the best ways to help your teen without crossing any lines or removing their privacy.
Although it can be difficult to trust that your teen’s therapist can provide them with the resources and strategies they need to manage their big emotions and any mental health concerns, once you are able to let go and allow them to do their work confidentially, you will offer your teen the chance to grow and get better.