Before beloved actress Betty White passed away just shy of her 100th birthday, she told People Magazine that her secret to living a long life is to “try to avoid [eating] anything green.”
While we all know White said this in jest and it is important to eat well, there is something to be said for focusing on something other than eating “good” foods in order to live a long, healthy life.
What’s more important for long-term health than eating fruits and vegetables or avoiding junk food? Connection.
Jennifer Rollin, author of The Inside Scoop on Eating Disorder Recovery: Advice from Two Therapists Who Have Been There, writes about the importance of having strong relationships when it comes to longevity. Noting a Harvard study where people who lived the longest were those with the most connected relationships, Rollin says, “going to grab ice cream with a friend is generally healthier than eating a plate of carrots alone.”
Psychologist Emily Esfahani Smith echoes these ideas, positing that one of the pillars to living a long and meaningful lie and being able to push through adversity is belonging and a true sense of community.
This is for a couple of key reasons:
The stress of unhealthy relationships or the loneliness that comes from a lack of connection and belonging leads to poor physical and mental health outcomes which also leads to high rates of mortality.
Positive relationships with others, on the other hand, lead to a life of purpose, meaning, and emotional fulfillment. Furthermore, being able to receive love and connection from others can alleviate the burdens of stress that contribute to major health issues.
Renowned family therapist Virginia Satir has a well-known saying, “We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.”
Your teen can eat a perfect diet without ever taking a bite of ice cream or any other dessert, and they will still be at risk for serious health conditions if they are starved of relationships with other people.
Although it is important that you teach your teen the value of proper nutrition, it is critical that you teach them the benefits of maintaining healthy interpersonal relationships and that these relationships are just as important to their physical health as their diet.
It is counterintuitive for your teen to spend their time hyper-fixated on eating healthy to take care of their body while neglecting to build relationships with others. Instead, they should prioritize building strong, positive relationships with others who can offer them the unconditional positive regard and support they need to live a healthy life.
Here are a few strategies your teen can use to develop healthy relationships with others:
Practice active listening
Everybody wants to feel heard. Unfortunately, not everyone knows how to listen well. Sometimes, in an effort to want to be heard, people spend more time thinking about what they want to say next to truly hear what their friends are saying to them at the moment.
However, being a great listener is essential to developing relationships that go deeper than surface level.
Teach your teen to give their undivided attention to their friends, to listen without judgment, and to give verbal and non-verbal cues to demonstrate that they are paying attention. This will help them connect and build relationships with others.
Put effort into relationships
If you’ve ever been in a one-sided friendship, you know just how frustrating it can be to feel like the only person being willing to put effort into the relationship.
When your teen is constantly receiving Snapchat messages, text messages, and invitations to hang out from a friend without reciprocating, this friendship will eventually fizzle out.
Remind your teen that they have to be willing to put time and effort into their relationships if they want these relationships to grow.
Model healthy relationships
Your teen will look to you for an example of what a healthy relationship should look like. You can help them develop positive interpersonal relationships by modeling these types of relationships in your own life.
When your teen notices that you have strong friendships and relationships with others, and they see the positive impact of these relationships on your life, it will help them value relationship building.
There is more to health than eating right or getting exercise. You can improve your teen’s wellbeing by emphasizing the power of strong relationships. ea