When you’re raising a teenager, you can never know exactly what to expect each day. Teens are constantly experiencing changes, both physically and emotionally, and it can make it hard for parents to keep up with these changes and offer guidance along the way.
Throughout the course of a year, a couple months, or even a couple of weeks, your teen may drastically change their sense of style and fashion, their hairstyle and hair color, their friends, and even their interests. While some of these changes can be easier for parents to accept than others, its important for parents to understand that making big changes is normal for teenagers.
Sometimes parents take these changes personally or they fear that these changes are a sign of rebelion. They get upset when their teen decides not to go to church anymore. They get angry when their teen dyes their hair an unnatural color. They worry when their teen spending time with a different friend group.
However, what these parents don’t realize is that their teens aren’t making these choices out of rebellion or spite, but rather as a natural step in the adolescent stage of their psychosocial development.
The identity vs. role confuse stage of psychosocial development
According to psychologist Erik Erikson, there are eight stages of psychosocial development that help determine an individual’s personality.
During adolescence, teens experience the identity vs. role confusion stage. In this stage,teens search for their sense of self through an intense exploration of personal values, beliefs, and goals.
They think about the person who they want to become and wonder what steps they need to take to accomplish their goals. They question their current belief systems to see if they truly align themselves with the ideals they’ve held since childhood. They evaluate their friendships and other relationships while determining which ones they want to maintain and which ones they want to let go.
They aren’t trying to hurt their parents when they start or stop attending religious services, for example. Rather, they are trying to evaluate their beliefs. They aren’t trying to be rebellious when they cut or dye their hair. They are simpy trying to see how they can adjust their physical appearance to reflect their emerging sense of self.
When teens are unable to try to explore their identity in new ways during this stage of their psychosocial development, it can lead to what Erikson calls role confusion.
Instead of developing a strong sense of self and identity that can carry them throughout the rest of their lives, teens who experience role confusion often feel unsure of their place in the world. This can manifest through difficulties maintaining relationships, frequent job hopping, and a shaky belief system.
To make sure your teen avoids experiencing role confusion, offer support and unconditional positive regard when your teen is making big changes and choices regarding their identity.
Supporting your teen
As a parent, there are two key reasons why you it is important for you to support your teen as they navigate this identity vs. role confusion stage.
For one, this is a difficult and confusing time for your teen, and they need all of the support they can get.
As children become more independent, they start to look toward the future and what they want their life to look like down the road. It can be frightening and nerve-wracking for your teen when they have to start thinking about making choices that will impact them in the long-run and determine the type of person they will be. Your teen wants to feel like they belong and fit-in without sacrificing their sense of self. Gaining your acceptance will help them on this journey.
Additionally, if your teen is pressured into an identity they don’t personally align with during this stage, it can have detrimental effects on their life.
Pushing your teen to embrace an identity that you want them to have can result in rebellion in the form of establishing a negative identity. It will also lead your teen to experience feelings of self-loathing, disappointment, and unhappiness.
Even if it means that you have to let go of the hopes, dreams, and ideas you had for your teen, you need to support them as they explore and embrace changes to their identity.