When your teen doesn’t seem to be “taking off” and making progress toward their goals, it can be frustrating.
As a parent, you see their endless potential, but for some reason, they just aren’t motivated. Whether you want your teen to buckle down and get serious about school and their future, start attending therapy, or begin to take personal responsibility for their life, it is hard when your teen doesn’t want to take any steps toward bettering themselves and their future.
Fortunately, although you can’t force or punish your teen into being more motivated, there are steps you can take to help them succeed and prevent yourself from enabling or accommodating their “failure to launch.”
Here are a few ways to help your teen when they are struggling to stay motivated
Remember your teen is still developing
While this is certainly not ideal, it is important to remember that your teen is still learning and growing. Remember, the adolescent brain continues to develop up through age 26. This means that even when your child is over the age of 18, your “adult’ is actually still a "teen" according to science.
There will be days when their lack of motivation drives you up the wall, andat these times, it will help to remember that your teen’s brain is still developing, and they won’t always think, feel, and act the way they do now.
Start small
Before you try to tackle the larger goals you have for your teen, try setting a few smaller goals that are realistic and attainable.
For example, you might be ready for your child to move out, but this should not be the first step your child should take, especially if they feel unmotivated. Focus on helping them with smaller steps, like getting a part time job, taking a class or two at your local community college, getting their driver's license, or creating a budget, that will allow them to reach this milestone in the future.
Your teen will feel more comfortable working toward these goals because they are smaller and less overwhelming, and as they complete these goals, they will continue to get closer to reaching the main goal you have in mind.
Be patient
While you might hope your teen will skyrocket toward success, their journey might seem more like they are traveling by foot.
Maybe you have been trying to get them to find a job for weeks, but they seem disinterested or they are only spending a minimal amount of time looking for work. Maybe you are ready for them to get their own place, but they seem to be moving at a snail’s pace when it comes to apartment hunting.
Some young adults need more time and require more motivation to complete various tasks, so they may not move at the pace you’d like to see. Remember, even if change is not happening as quickly as you feel like it should, progress is progress. If you remain patient and keep providing support, you will encourage your teen to keep taking steps in the right direction.
If you start to feel discouraged about their progress, remind yourself to be patient and practice regulating your emotions so your frustration doesn’t impact your relationship with your teen. Whether this comes through meditation, journaling, breathing exercises, or therapy, learning how to manage your own emotions will help you stay in control and maintain positive interactions with your teen.
Avoid making judgements
When your teen is not progressing toward any goals, you may want to call them out as lazy or criticize them for wasting their potential. While you do not want to enable your teen to continue their problematic behaviors, name calling and criticism are not helpful motivators. In fact, these actions can actually make everything worse.
When your teen knows that you are judging them or always criticizing them, it can cause them to shut down and feel a sense of shame or hopelessness. This will make it even more difficult for them to take meaningful action steps.
Let your teen know that while you don’t always support their behavior, you still value them. Make sure they understand that they can always come to you for support when needed, and that you are rooting for them to reach their goals, even if it takes longer than you might like.
While ultimately your teen is responsible for their own growth, keeping these steps in mind can go a long way toward helping them eventually find the push they need to succeed.