From a young age, we are taught that being distracted is a bad thing. After all, distractions can limit productivity, keep us from completing necessary tasks, and even put us in dangerous situations.
If a student is distracted by video games, they might not get their homework done. If we are distracted by our phones or by billboards as we drive home, we could get in an accident.
Because of the negative impacts associated with distractions, many people feel like it is bad or unhealthy to distract themselves from feelings they are experiencing, too.
After all, if we allow ourselves to be distracted from negative feelings, it can feel like we are avoiding “dealing with our emotions.”
While we never want to be distracted while driving, or when using power tools, or when having a conversation with a loved one, the truth is that distractions are not always unhealthy.
There is a time and place when distraction can be helpful, and even necessary, especially when it comes to emotional regulation.
When teenagers are experiencing moments that are emotionally intense, distraction can help them build distress tolerance, allowing them to better manage distressing emotions.
In dialectical behavior therapy, this distraction coping strategy is taught using an acronym: ACCEPTS.
What is ACCEPTS?
ACCEPTS is a skill that helps teens build their distress tolerance by allowing them to distract themselves rather than making their feelings or situations worse.
ACCEPTS stands for activities, contributions, comparisons, emotions, pushing away, thoughts, and sensations, which are different ways for teens to distract themselves and get through negative feelings and situations in a healthy way.
Activities
Like its name suggests, this skill involves focusing on activities and tasks instead of the negative emotions.
Rather than getting into a fight, a teen can go on a walk or watch a movie. Instead of letting a negative experience spiral into a shame cycle, your teen can play a board game with friends, play video games, listen to music, or cook their favorite meal.
Contributions
Another way teens can distract themselves is by being of service to others. Volunteering in the community, helping their friends clean out their cars, assisting a younger sibling with homework, or doing something thoughtful for their grandparents can be a way to keep teens distracted while also boosting their self-esteem
Comparisons
When people experience negative emotions, it can be difficult for them to remember a time before they felt the way they were feeling or that they won’t always feel this way in the future.
Comparing how they feel to how they have felt in the past will remind them that they have felt better before and they will feel better again. Comparing how they are feeling with how others might be feeling can remind them that they aren’t alone. They aren’t the only ones facing hardship, and they will be able to work through their painful emotions just like others have done.
Emotions
Focusing on emotions other than the ones they are feeling can help change your teen’s mindset.
When they are feeling angry or depressed or devastated, watching a funny movie, listening to upbeat music, or reading positive messages from old birthday cards can help them feel emotions that counteract their negative ones.
Pushing away
Pushing away is a skill that involves temporarily pushing negative emotions and situations to the back of the mind.
Instead of dwelling on these painful moments, teens can try to put these moments on the backburner and refuse to think about them until they feel calm and comfortable doing so.
Thoughts
Teens can distract themselves by focusing their thoughts on something other than the situation they are facing.
This could involve counting to 50, thinking about a positive experience they’ve had recently, thinking about a book or a tv show that’s been on their mind, or any other thoughts that provide reprieve from their feelings.
Sensations
Using the senses can help teens let go of the big emotions they are feeling for a moment.
Using a stress ball, touching objects with varying textures, taking a cold shower, listening to their favorite song, or eating something flavorful can be powerful distractors.
How ACCEPTS can help your teen
While this skill might seem strange at first, ACCEPTS can work wonders when it comes to helping your teen navigate painful moments and feelings. With this strategy, teens are not completely ignoring their feelings- they are stepping back from them for a moment until they are in a place to analyze and deal with these emotions properly.
Putting on a television show or going for a walk instead of engaging in a yelling match or breaking something, for example, gives teens a chance to cool down before they later analyze their emotional reaction.
In this way, ACCEPTS gives teens the time they need to lessen the intensity of their big emotions so that it is easier for them to think about why they are having these feelings and the best, most productive way to handle these feelings.
Helping your teen use ACCEPTS will allow them to learn a variety of distraction techniques that will make it easy for them to manage distressing feelings and experiences they encounter in the future.