One of the only things that you can be certain of in life is that you will face uncertainty. It’s an inescapable part of being alive.
Although this may be the case, people have varying abilities to tolerate this part of life. Some people handle uncertainty well, and others struggle with unpredictability.
It’s normal to want some aspects of life to be predictable. We go to certain restaurants because we know what to expect when we order. We like knowing that if we pay our energy bills on time, we will have lights on at home.
It’s also normal for unpredictability to cause discomfort. If you’re starting your first day at a new job or you’re on the hunt for a job in a new city, it would be strange if you weren’t at least a little nervous.
However, while facing uncertainty can be uncomfortable and nerve-wracking, it is important to learn how to be tolerant of uncertainty because it is unavoidable.
Being intolerant of uncertainty leads to anxiety, fear, and exhaustion, and it can rob people of joy.
Think of intolerance to uncertainty like having an allergy. In the same way exposure to an allergen like pollen or citrus can have adverse effects like hives, swelling, itchiness, and sneezing, being intolerant of uncertainty can cause negative reactions.
This is especially true for teenagers, who often have to deal with situations outside of their control.
If your teen is “allergic” to uncertainty, they might feel anxious or have a panic attack if they are put in an unpredictable situation. They may tire themselves out coming up with excuses to avoid parties where they don’t know anyone. They may miss out on the opportunity to make lifelong friends because they are too worried to go to cheerleading tryouts. They might frustrate those around them by excessively seeking reassurance or procrastinating on completing work and making decisions until the very last minute.
Not only are these efforts exhausting, but they are fruitless. No matter what you teen tries to do to avoid facing uncertainty, it is inevitable. Trying to prevent uncertainty with these behaviors is not only ineffective, but it can make everything worse.
But just like any allergy, while you can’t get rid of uncertainty entirely, there are steps you can take to help alleviate the symptoms it causes.
If you do not want your teen to go through life struggling through an allergy to uncertainty, here are some strategies that can help:
Note their “allergy” symptoms
Have your teen write down all of the behaviors they do in order to avoid uncertainty.
If your teen is not sure about whether or not they are exhibiting avoidance behaviors, try asking them the following questions:
Do you find yourself needing to seek reassurance from others?
Are you frequently double or triple checking to make sure everything is perfect?
Do you procrastinate when it is time to make a decision?
Do you prefer for others to make important decisions for you?
Are there certain people, places, and situations that you avoid?
This will help them see just how much of a hindrance it can be to avoid uncertainty, and it will give them a starting point for learning to manage their symptoms.
Practice tolerating uncertainty
Have your teen come up with a list of situations that make them anxious and allow them to rank these behaviors from 1-10 based on their level of anxiety
For instance, going to a new restaurant where they do not know what food options will be on the menu might be a 2 or a 3, but going to a social event where they do not know anyone might be a 7 or an 8.
This list will help them start to practice exposing themselves to situations they may otherwise avoid. They can start simple with tolerating uncertainty by doing activities that they ranked as a 3 or below until they can slowly move up to tolerating situations that typically bring them more anxiety.
Write down their results
When your teen does try something on their list, have them write down what happened and how they felt afterwards.
Doing this will help them realize that facing uncertainty was not the end of the world and that their deepest worries about those situations did not come true.
The more your teen realizes that their catastrophizing is not helpful and their fears usually don’t become a reality, the easier it will be for them to cope with anxiety and uncertainty in the future.
If your teen is seemingly allergic to uncertainty, these three steps will go a long way toward helping them become more tolerant when they face unpredictable situations.