Imagine it’s the last day of school. You can picture your teen dropping their heavy backpack at the door, breathing a sigh of relief, and celebrating the start of summer break. As parents, we look forward to the break too, along with all the fun things summer gives us a chance to do.
But a few weeks in, something changes. The initial excitement has worn off, and you notice your teen sleeping in and staring at their screen more and more. Adults assume they’re bored or just doomscrolling too much and try to fix it by pushing them into more activities to get them to snap out of it.
The reality is more complicated than just boredom, though. And the phrase “best summer ever” isn’t just a fun note we doodle in the back of yearbooks anymore. The pressure to actually have the “best summer ever” and to document it all online is real. Having the “best summer ever” has become a requirement from social media because the pressure to constantly “be on” and make everything a vibe doesn’t pause for summer vacation.
You might be wondering, “As parents looking out for our kids’ best interests, what can we do to give them a good summer without adding pressure?” The answer is to give them the space to slow down and lower the outside noise and expectations placed on them.
What Teens are Actually Experiencing
To help teens through the stress of having the “best summer ever,” we first need to understand all the life stress they’re under. It’s easy to look at a teen sleeping until noon or staring at their screen for hours and assume they’re just relaxing. But underneath it all, they’re probably dealing with a lot of big feelings.
Today, a normal teen’s summer break is constantly compared to perfectly filtered, never-ending highlight reels of friends, family, and even strangers having the best day, trip, or experience ever. Summer vacations used to be more private, in part, because social media didn’t exist until the late 90s. So, if you spent a day in your pajamas watching cartoons, no one knew. Now, when teenagers open TikTok or Instagram, they’re flooded with hundreds of picturesque vacations, friends hanging out together, or classmates announcing their academic wins, leaving your teen feeling the pressure to keep up and post what they’re doing. It can leave them with a distorted perception that their normal, chill summer is lame, when it's really not.
Don’t forget that teens today are also the most overscheduled generation in history. From a young age, they’ve been pressured to do the most. Whether it's learning a musical instrument, training for sports, or becoming fluent in a second language, their days are always booked solid. Because of that, their worth has been deeply tied to their productivity. So, downtime can actually stress them out so that they’re not out there doing all the things.
Quiet Quit the “Best Summer Ever” Pressure
What’s a parent’s first instinct when we see our kid feeling stressed or anxious? Obviously, it's to fix it. And at the same time, we do want to make the most of our days with our kids. But the best thing to do right now is to quiet quit, the idea of a perfect summer and instead reimagine what a good summer looks like for our teens’ headspace.
A lot of teens have been told a story on social media that summer should look like nonstop tropical vacations and fun. Real-life summers probably look much more low-key. It’s the only time of the year when a teenager can pause the overachieving and overscheduling and instead reconnect with their family and friends. Hopefully, this will let them return to school in the fall feeling recharged.
In a world full of continuously updated FYP’s and Insta stories, boredom feels like the end of the world. So, in the chill parts of their day, teenagers immediately reach for their phone to distract themselves from the uncomfy boredom. Parents should help them look at boredom in a different way. Replace doomscrolling and binging Netflix with something that used to spark joy for them, like painting, going on hikes, or baking.
A Few Steps for Summer Survival
So, what’s a parent to do? There are a few low-stakes steps parents can take to help their teens through the pressure of the “best summer ever” and find a balance between rest and fun.
Manage expectations: Have a no-pressure conversation with your teenager about what a great summer actually sounds like: “What does a restful summer actually look like to you?”
Make low-key routines: While balancing “best summer ever” pressure and rest can be tough, it may help to establish some easy routines and rhythms for each day. Think of a daily family dinner, afternoon walks, and specific screen-free hours every day, especially at night, that they can look forward to.
Create an easy summer bucket list: Focus on small, easy to-dos. These could be easy things like trying a new coffee shop, doing a movie marathon, or exploring a different part of town.
Guide Your Teen Through the “Best Summer Ever” Pressure
The most important takeaway for parents navigating summer is that you don’t need to entertain your teen at all times or create a picture-perfect vacation for them to post. Your job is to connect with your kid and be their safe place.
By lowering the bar and quitting the pressure to have the “best summer ever,” you’re teaching them to listen to their body and protect their mental health. A chill summer may be the perfect reset they need.
However, if your teen's stress is beginning to affect more than just their summer break, it could be time to reach out for additional support.
At Creative Healing, we help teens and families navigate anxiety and the pressures that come with growing up in today’s world. Reach out to learn more about how we can help.
